Chapter 4
DIFFICULT AT THE START
万事开头难
“All things are difficult at the start.” — Chinese Proverb
Shenzhen
The demons in Xiao Ming’s mind were still to subside.
“Why me? What wrong did I do? Why was the app snatched away
from me? And why did Xiōngdì Technology have to be wound up?” These thoughts continuously tormented her febrile mind.
She had by now learnt a considerable amount about Xuan Zang and his adventures and forays in Buddhism. His unprecedented and remarkable journey of seventeen years, travelling to India in search of peace, Buddhism and the sacred texts were certainly atypical in nature. And this expedition impacted the mind of Xiao Ming.
As seeds of amorphous religiosity were seeping into her mind, on her return to Shenzhen she decided to visit the Fu Yong Temple or Phoenix Mountain Temple in the Bao’an District of Shenzhen.
“Xuan Zang travelled to India over 17 years in his quest. I fervently hope my 21-day peregrination to the Phoenix Temple in search of some tranquillity and purpose will be fruitful,” she was to tell Lu Yao who reluctantly agreed to the proposal. He too was after all a non-believer. His mind gravitated to the near calamitous incident when the car he was driving careened downhill.
So, was there a superior authority or a supernatural force which governed lives of people? The People Republic of China had variants and strains of Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism,
Christianity, Islam, Daoism and native religions which people followed. However, the atheist in Lu Yao had inspirational leaders in Sun Tzu and Xi Jin Ping. To him, Xi Jin Ping was the charismatic and supreme chief, transforming the lives of millions of Chinese as they were on the cusp of a tectonic change by 2022.
The Phoenix Mountain Temple in Shenzhen is perched on a mountainous terrain overlooking a turtle pond. Visitors flock to the temple and make offerings of incense to their ancestors and grab a snack from one of the vendors nearby.
The temple is dedicated to Guanyin, the Goddess of Mercy. The deiform was originally a Taoist deity but later adopted by the Buddhists when they spread their message to China during the fourth and fifth centuries.
Xiao Ming had over the years had become an avid traveller, be it for work or for leisure. She had always been enthralled at the scenic beauty, and the verdant and unpolluted atmosphere at the temple complex. Little children running around, people feeding the turtles, an occasional turtle in agony when the amphibian swallowed coins, people of all age
groups practising Tai Chi. It had always seemed more like a picnic to her.
On occasion, she did peep in to have a glimpse of the deity, the other celestial figurines and the statue of Buddha. But she could only marvel at the architecture of the ancient temple and the beauty and majesty of the statues. Most of the time she enjoyed walking along the Glass Tunnel, taking in the breathtaking view. It had never been a battle of attrition between science and religion or logic and spirituality as it was increasingly becoming in her mind as she planned her visit. This time she promised herself that she would keep the aperture of her mind open to receive ideas.
The first few days of the voyage were spent more in exploration of the temples, sprinting, climbing and performing Tai Chi. The activities served the purpose of releasing positive endorphins and she felt a lot calmer and energetic. Her first foray into religiosity was when she lit incense in remembrance of her ancestors, perhaps on the fifth day.
It was probably the eighth day, when she noticed a group of monks who were being addressed by a senior monk. Soon after the address ended, the monks began chanting.
Brain Failure, Car Sick Cars, Chocolate Tigers, Cui Jian and Mountain People were among her favourite rock bands. She enjoyed listening to rock music which alleviated the accumulated stress in her body and mind. She listened to this brand of music especially on a walk or on the treadmill.
Now that Lu Yao had unexpectedly entered her life, quite like the shooting star or the comet with a trailing tail of hope, the two danced to this music at Pepper Club, Bang Club and Mr. Wong in particular as they savoured the moments.
But today the young Chinese woman sat observing the group of monks, and realised that she appreciated the chanting. The notes resonated in her mind and from a distance she listened intently.
That night as she slept, the chanting resonated in her brain and kept playing in the chambers of her mind. Xiao Ming unexpectedly felt uncomfortable and uneasy and began to sweat profusely. Her palms became sweaty and so was her forehead, as she felt feverish. She could not fathom as to what was happening with her and why her energy levels were depleting.
She did not feel well the next morning and almost decided to call off the trip but something compelled her to continue with the challenge. As she was not feeling too well, she decided not to undertake any outdoor activity like climbing, sprinting or Tai Chi. She was desirous of seeking solitude to overcome her mental agony and gravitated towards the group of young Buddhist monks. The monks were again chanting under the supervision of a senior monk.
Taking care not to intrude upon them, she chose a spot nearby and sat down to absorb the cadence of the chanting.
“Never did I think or believe that listening to the chanting could be so comforting”, Xiao Ming told Lu Yao later. “It was so comforting and soothing to the mind. The repetitive syntax, the flat sonorous tones seem to seep into the very core of my brain.”
From that day onwards, the daily visit to the temple was something she started looking forward to. She spent quality time looking at the architecture, occasionally peeping in to see the deities, observing tourists and the devout offering prayers. But what fascinated her endlessly was the rendition of the chanting.
From what she read, she learnt that Buddhism had appealed to the Chinese intellectuals and elite, since Buddhism’s emphasis on morality and ritual appealed to the Confucianists and the desire to cultivate inner wisdom appealed to the Daoists.
Soon, Xiao Ming found that she was trying to co-relate her app with the teachings of Buddhism. The techie in her equated Buddhism to a sum of Compassion, Virtuousness and Love implying caring.
Buddhism = ∑ [Compassion + Virtuousness + Love] => Caring, which was what her app had been about.
As she settled down to listening to the chanting, her thoughts inadvertently turned to her childhood. She remembered that all through her childhood she had suffered not only from an omnipresent lack of material prosperity but also a severe shortage of emotional bonding. Though her parents were well-intentioned, loving and caring, they were just so caught up in the day-to-day existential circus, they simply did not have the emotional wherewithal to support her. As a consequence, she had come to lean a great deal on her Bao and Bai. They had provided her emotional succour, been her confidantes in every crisis, and had shared her small joys and big victories. She even realised the special bond she was developing with Lu Yao, a caring friend and maybe their relationship would grow into something stronger and more meaningful.
As she sat in the temple and the chanting washed over her, she realised that her app had been everything anyone would want in a sibling or friend. That was what made it one of the most downloaded apps, an app so popular that in the end it had been too good to survive.
As she mentally cruised back to the early months of the creation of the app, she realised that she had poured all her interactions with Bao and Bai into its creation. Now she was on the first step towards rationalising and processing all that she had been feeling ever since the sale of Xiōngdì Technologies.
“Twenty days have elapsed since I have undertaken this journey, attempting to analyse my life, the feeling of emptiness and lack, seemingly at odds with the financial abundance. I wonder whether following this path would answer my question,” she pondered and soon after, hit the bed.
There was an inverse parallel between Xiao Ming’s life and her app, and the life of Buddha. King Suddhodana saw to it his son Siddhartha never witnessed old age, sickness, poverty or a corpse. When Siddhartha eventually, and inevitably, witnessed these visuals, that night was the tipping point.
It led him to leave the kingdom in search of the quintessential truth, attaining enlightenment and delivering the first sermon. It culminated in Mahaparinirvana. Xiao Ming juxtaposed these events to her life. She had had no luxuries or siblings, until she finally discovered, or rather created them in the inanimate Bao and Bai. The sigma of her life was
the creation of the Virtual Buddy app, an emotive app. Bao and Bai were buried in the dustbins of history and the Virtual Buddy app and Xiōngdì Technologies taken over by the Party. She was like a comet which flashed briefly and evanesced from public memory. Xiao Ming compared her intense restiveness to the encounters that Prince Siddhartha had encountered. She realised that Buddha never caved in and through various techniques emerged the suzerain of his mind. Xiao Ming rationalised in her thought process that Buddha developed a spiritual app long ago, as Sun Tzu had created a strategic app.
It was a restless night as the fleeting images of Buddha and the other deities at the Phoenix Temple appeared in her mind over and over again. She also dreamt of Xuan Zang and his travel westward towards Yindu or India. Xiao Ming kept waking up repeatedly and had to drink several glasses of water.
On the final day, she went straight to the temple of Buddha and settled down in front of the figurine. For once, she felt blest.
“Oh Buddha, I do not believe in any form of religiosity. For me scientific and logical solutions have always played a predominant role in life while religious practices have always been akin to voodoo,” she spoke to herself.
“Why do I suffer this way? Why am I unable to enjoy the wealth at my disposal? I still wonder why my app was seized. Even though I was recompensed by our outstanding and sovereign leader, despite everything, I feel absolutely empty,” she mused further. She closed her eyes and the sound of the chanting at some distance filtered into her
mind.
After a considerable amount of time, she opened her eyes and saw a Buddhist monk. He smiled at her. His demeanour radiated peace and calm. Deep inside she too desired to wear such a beatific and peaceful smile. For now, she was attempting to slay the demons confronting her.
He spoke little. “Do you know that you have been sitting with your eyes closed for nearly two hours?”
Seeing the surprised look on her face, he added mysteriously, “You are on the path.”
The monk then gave her an apple. She closed her eyes and bent to offer him thanks. When she opened her eyes, he had disappeared. As she closed her eyes again, Xiao Ming thought she saw an apparition. The monk who spoke with her compassionately morphed into the figure of Buddha. As she was still processing this, the Buddha disappeared and in her mind’s eye, as clear as crystal, the Buddha transformed into a silhouette and there appeared a gentle smiling face, bearded, with long hair and wearing flowing white robes.
She experienced blazing radiance all over and for a split second felt she had answers to several of her questions.
As she opened her eyes, she’d made up her mind. Like Xuan Zang she decided to travel westwards ... in search of answers to her questions and the quintessential truth.
Little did she know that the trip to the Phoenix Temple and Dragon Temple, and the life-transforming experience at the feet of Buddha, were milestones in her chequered life.
The images were implanted, still coming up in front of her eyes; the monk changing into Buddha and then into the form of a bearded man in white robes. When she tried to analyse the event in a scientific and logical sequence, she found the brain debunking the whole episode. But then she knew it did happen.
“It is my conjecture that your frayed mind requires a break. You have faced a lot in a short span of time, Xiao Ming. I can understand how testy you would be feeling,” Lu Yao spoke in a calm manner and wiped the trickle of tears which were cascading on her glistening cheeks.
“Should I travel India? To find my answers? What do think?” the vivacious lady asked her friend.
“I am not too sure. But a trip outside the country would do you a world of good,” replied her friend. The two were presently involved in an animated conversation about her travel plans.
“A solo vacay to India perhaps would not be a prudent decision. I have read and heard about women being molested, robbed and assaulted. Though the country is peppered with a long, ancient history, culture and traditions and has several striking historical locales especially of Buddhism, I am wary of the tourist infrastructure. Like I
said, it isn’t reputed to be the best,” an apprehensive Lu Yao said.
“Then why don’t you come along with me? Do you not care for me, love me or understand me?” bawled Xiao Ming.
“What rubbish is this?” confronted the strapping youngster, whose credentials were being questioned.
They were driving back from Phoenix Temple as the arguments reached a crescendo.
“Ok! Please stop the car. Let me walk back!” an angry and agitated Xiao Ming retorted in a raised voice.
The car came to a grinding halt as Lu Yao was affrighted by the incident at Guilin. He was unsure regarding his aunt from Shanghai reappearing to extricate them from another mishap.
Xiao Ming started to walk down the misty road, when she heard a pleasant voice.
“Xiao Ming let us take a trip to Thailand and Malaysia. Apart from the exotic spots, you can even visit some Buddhist shrines. Then you can take a call on whether you are really cut out to be a Xuan Zang.” Lu Yao added laughingly, much to the delight of Xiao Ming.
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