A UNIQUE STABILITY
Where does A.A. get its direction? . . .
These practical folk then read Tradition Two,
and learn that the sole authority in A.A.
is a loving God as He may express Himself
in the group conscience. . .
The elder statesman is the one
who sees the wisdom of the group’s decision,
who holds no resentment
over his reduced status, whose judgment,
fortified by considerable experience, is sound,
and who is willing to sit quietly on the sidelines patiently awaiting developments.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 132, 135
Into the fabric of recovery from alcoholism
are woven the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions.
As my recovery progressed,
I realized that the new mantle was tailor made for me.
The elders of the group gently offered suggestions
when change seemed impossible.
Everyone’s shared experiences
became the substance for treasured friendships.
I know that the Fellowship is ready and equipped
to aid each suffering alcoholic at all crossroads in life.
In a world beset by many problems,
I find this assurance a unique stability.
I cherish the gift of sobriety.
I offer my gratitude for the strength I receive
in a Fellowship that truly exists
for the good of all members.
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Quantity or Quality
“About this slip business–I would not be too discouraged.
I think you are suffering a great deal from a needless guilt.
For some reason or other,
the Lord has laid out tougher paths for some of us,
and I guess you are treading one of them.
God is not asking us to be successful.
He is only asking us to try to be.
That, you surely are doing, and have been doing;
so I would not stay away from A.A.
through any feeling of discouragement or shame.
It’s just the place you should be.
Why don’t you try just as a member?
You don’t have to carry
the whole A.A. on your back, you know!
“It is not always the quantity of good things that you do,
it is also the quality that counts.
“Above all, take it one day at a time.”
Letter, 1958
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Say when it's time to stop coping.
In her book Recovering from the Loss of a Child, author Katherine Fair Donnelly writes of a man whose infant daughter, Robyn, dies from SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). The child had died in the stroller, while the mother was out walking her. The father had stopped to get a haircut that day and was given a number for his turn.
"It was something he never did again in future years,"
Donnelly wrote. "He would never take a number at the barber's and always came home first to make sure everything was all right. Then he would go and get a haircut.
It became one of the ways he found of coping."
I hate coping. It's not living.
It's not being free.
It reeks of surviving.
But sometimes it's the best we can do, for a while.
Eight years after my son dies, I was signing the papers to purchase a home. It was the first home I had bought since his death. The night before he dies, I had also signed papers to buy a new home. I didn't know that I had begun to associate buying a home with his death, until I noticed my hand trembling and my heart pounding as I finished signing the purchase agreement. For eight years, I had simply avoiding buying a home, renting one less-than-desirable place after another and complaining about the travails of being a renter. I only knew then that I was "never going to buy another house again."
I didn't understand that I was coping.
Many of us find ways of coping. As children, we may have become very angry with our parents. Having no recourse, we may have said to ourselves, "I'll show the, I'm never going to do well at music, or sports, or studies again." As adults, we may deal with a loss, or death, by saying, "I'm always going to be nice to people and make them happy. Then they won't go away."
Or we may deal with a betrayal by saying, "I'm never going to open my heart to a woman, or man, again."
Coping often includes making an incorrect connection between an event and our behavior. It may help us survive, but at some point, our coping behaviors usually get in our way.
They become habits and take on a life of their own.
And although we think we're protecting ourselves
or someone we love, we aren't.
Robyn didn't die because her father
took a number and waited to get his hair cut.
My son didn't die because I brought a new house.
Are you keeping yourself from doing something that you really want to do as a means of coping with something that happened to you a long time ago? Cope if you must, if it helps save your life. But maybe today is the day you could set yourself free.
God, show me if I'm limiting myself and my life in some way by using an outdated coping behavior.
Help me know that I'm safe and strong enough now
to let that survival behavior, go.
*******
Grapevine quote of the day
"The most important thing AA has given me
is the chance to get to know
someone I never knew -- myself."
Calgary, Alberta, December 1994
"Getting to Know You -- I Mean Me"
AA Grapevine
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From harmony, from heavenly harmony,
This universal frame began . . .
—John Dryden
Our family is like a small orchestra. Each of us has an important part to play. To achieve harmony, we tune in to how others are sounding. We recognize that every orchestra needs a conductor, a center for direction. We rely on our Higher Power for this support and guidance, and we realize that our family's music exists in time. It changes, it passes, and we begin a new song. Our music comes and goes. It is not carved in marble.
It is a free expression of family love.
No one of us has to play alone, because we are an ensemble.
The time for soloing comes later.
Today we rejoice that we can play together.
How can my music add to
the family's symphony today?
*******
Just considering…………….
The achievement of freedom from fear
is a lifetime undertaking,
one that can never be wholly completed.
When under heavy attack, acute illness,
or in other conditions of serious insecurity,
we shall all react, well or badly, as the case may be.
Only the vainglorious claim perfect freedom from fear,
though their very grandiosity is really rooted
in the fears they have temporarily forgotten.
Bill W.,
January 1962
c. 1988 AA Grapevine,
The Language of the Heart, p. 265
Thought to consider . . .
Once we clear a hurdle, it doesn't seem so high.
Topic Question:
What do you do to try and overcome
the insecurity of fear in your life?
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Our Higher Power is in charge.
It's such a relief to give up our obsession to control,
once we learn how.
As we do to establish any new routine,
we have to practice.
In this case, we practice turning people
and circumstances over to God.
Our first reaction will be the familiar one, always.
For so long we thought we had to be in charge.
It's no wonder we felt crazy at times.
We were trying to assure other people did the right thing,
based on our perspective.
Usually God, or they, had something else in mind.
Letting God hold the reins gives us a lot of extra time.
We can narrow our focus to what we need to do today.
And we can use our extra time to pray
for the well-being of other people.
Our payoff is feeling sane, peaceful,
and rested at the end of each day.
I will enjoy the sanity of letting God
take care of other people today.
I'll just take care of myself.
*******
Just a thought…………..
Here's an AA "secret" that ranks right up there with
"If you don't take the first drink, you can't get drunk."
That secret is:
"If you want to feel good,
do something good for someone else."
So…………….
Is there a correlation between doing low-life things
and feeling like a low-life?
Isn't there also a correlation between
doing something good for someone else
with no expectation
of profit or reward, and feeling good?
Is it better to feel
"hip, slick and depressed" or "helpful and good"?
What could we do today to feel good?
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