With Dexterity Say No

The child was getting late for school, and in all likelihood would have missed the bus. She kept on pestering and pleading  with her mother to be dropped  at school. The mother, agreed to take up this responsibility.  The mother herself a school teacher in the process got delayed for her classes.  

Now this became a quotidian behaviour.  The child was getting customarily delayed in getting ready and the doting and concerned  mother , continued with the rigmarole of   dropping her daughter to school . Consequently she started  missing her classes. Eventually, the mother / teacher was  upbraided by the school establishment.

The mother while playing the role of a teacher was neglecting her duties and holding poor students to ransom and there were frequent changes  and alternative arrangements  were made by the school authorities.

Now it became the turn of the father to provide his official vehicle to drop the daughter to school  and on a particular day he  missed a flight  when he had to proceed on official work. He was reprimanded for the folly and apparent laxity and non –professional approach towards his work.

The parents could not say NO to this bizarre behaviour of the child. It would have been prudent for the parents to talk out with the child and take her to a psychiatrist or a counsellor  to address the muddle and  resolve this vexed issue.

We should certainly possess a positive and  own the attributes of a  YES mind , but many a times saying  NO is equally important. One should possess the ability to say no firmly and with finesse, panache and dexterity.

“ Don’t take anything Personally, Nothing others do is because of you” wrote Don Miguel Ruiz.

Several celebrities are infamous   for their awry time  schedules as they agree to all engagements. Improper time management drains a person and the  vitiates the atmospherics of the workplace. Personalities are unable to say no to various engagements on hand. In the long haul, it becomes  highly  counterproductive.  Moreover the  work envisaged  does not get executed timely. The solemnity and earnestness is lost in optics and the traction of the work to be actually performed is short shrifted.

Individuals hazard a guess  that by saying no , they are jeopardising relationships , and or in the process would  hurt or  disappoint someone. On the contrary  we live under stress by making assorted commitments and by  not adhering to schedules . It is a “ no – brainer” alternative.

We need to value our time. Never surmise or believe that one is a superman or superwoman, who can perform all tasks without compromising the core activity. Supermen and women are also not prophets or some undisputed  champions who can perform every act without compromising on the targeted job profile. These acts are figments of our imagination.

Chritopher Reeve said” What makes superman a hero is not that he has power but that he has the wisdom and maturity to use the power wisely. From an acting point of view , that’s how I approached the part.”

Therefore with wisdom and maturity, and by  being practical  one  can say no . Infact we need not be apologetic by this action. It is neither an act of defiance or of impudence.  A person is essentially balancing time and prioritising his work and schedule to be more productive and balancing  the home front and the professional front.

Many people live under  constant trepidation and thus raising their  stress levels that by saying no , they have become vicious or evil  with their colleagues  and friends . The hard fact is that such  individuals over a period of time had become  soft targets by manipulators who  by the hand of sleight get their job done  imperviously . Individuals need not live under fear , threat , guilt or regret . Without being brazen just need to say no.

And this can be done tactfully, skilfully and gracefully , by skirting the issue .  Skirting the issue does not imply shirking work. The individual is saving his mind by prioritising work.

The person needs to bandy catchy phrases such as – “ heavily loaded”, “ will revert back”, “ will get back” , “ may be later” . This would send the signal  to a manipulator or overbearing colleagues.

Managing time productively is a great virtue.  “ How many seconds does it take to win a second ? As many as it takes to win first- If you don’t use them properly” writes Jarod Kintz.

So one should learn to say no with dexterity.