Murphy’s Laws: For the Military

 Murphy’s Laws: For the Military 

● Never share a bunker with anyone braver than yourself.

● Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

● Five-second fuses always burn in three seconds.

● No battle plan ever survives after contact with the enemy.

● Friendly fire ain't friendly.

● The easy way is always mined.

● Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

● If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

● Incoming fire has the right of way.

● No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.

● No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

● If the enemy is within range, so are you.

● The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

● Tracers work both ways.

● Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

● Military Intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

● Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

● When in doubt, empty your magazine.

● The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

● Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

● If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush. 

● The most dangerous thing in the world is a Lieutenant with a map and a compass.

● The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.

● The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.

● If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.

● To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.

● The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the one you are trained with.

● The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.

● The crucial round is a dud.

● There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.

● The density of fire increases proportionally to the curiosity of the target.

● Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.

● Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together.

● The QuarterMaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

● If you have a personality conflict with your superior, he has the personality, you have the conflict.

● If you enter the CO's office with an idea, most likely, you will leave his office with his idea.