Pun, Pun, Pun, that is the question ❓

Pun, Pun, Pun, that is the question ❓ Be kind to dentists. They have fillings too, you know. All the toilets in the NYPD headquarters have been stolen. The police apparently have nothing to go on. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was really just a play on words. Why did the can crusher quit her job? It was soda-pressing. What do you call a broken can opener? A can’t opener. Why do people love switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus. Unlike Canada’s, which I could take or leaf. Becoming vegetarian was a huge missed steak. I was was going to tell a joke about a dead parrot, but it was way too Macawbre. How do trees feel in the Spring? Releaved. Why do defense lawyers go out for Mexican food when they’re feeling down? To get some case-ideas! Did you hear about the sale on paddles? It was quite the oar-deal. If a Wizard uses magic to hold up a camera and take a picture of himself, is that a Spellfie? Did you hear that the Devil is going bald? Yeah, there’s gonna be hell toupee. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands. (Sorry, but that joke never grows old). What language do bridges speak? Span-ish. If a kid won’t take a nap, is that “resisting a rest”? What do you call a dog magician? A Labracadabrador Retriever. How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three, the right, the left, and the final front ear. A king, wanting to host an elaborate wedding for his daughter, raised taxes on all citizens of the kingdom by thirty pieces of gold. Everybody paid, except for one young count. The king sent a tax collector, but the count refused. “This is unfair, and I shall not pay!” The king sent the sheriff, but the count refused. “I will not support the king’s new tax!” Finally, the king had the count arrested, and thrown in the dungeon. He explained to the count that failure to pay was treason, and he would be executed, yet still, the count refused. So, the king had him brought to the top of the tower, and neck on the block, with the executioner’s axe raised. The king asked the count to pay. He defiantly shouted, “Never!” Then, as the executioner’s axe began to fall, the count shouted “OK! I’ll pay!”. But it was too late, the executioner couldn’t stop the heavy axe, and the count was killed. The moral of this story? Don’t hatchet your counts before they chicken. Straws are for suckers. What do you call a lawyer who can cook? A sue chef Did you hear about the World War I soldier who survived both pepper spray and mustard gas? He was a seasoned veteran. Why do Buddhist monks avoid sending word documents? They’re supposed to avoid attachments. Why do teenage girls travel in odd numbered groups? Because they just can’t even. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. Broken pencils are pointless