Submissions

 An annual Pun Competition was held by the New York Times. Here are some submissions:  

1. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.  It's syncing now.  

2. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.  

3. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.  

4. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.  

5. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?

He's all right now.  

6. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.  

7. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.  

8. I didn't like my beard at first. 

Then it grew on me.  

9. Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils

10. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? 

Yes, we arson.

11. Why is ‘dark’ spelt with a k and not c? 

Because you can’t 'c' in the dark.

12. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? 

Well, because time will tell.

13. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

13. I’m trying to organize a hide-n-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

14. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. 

It’s all about raisin awareness!!!