*FOR THOSE WITH A PUNNY SENSE OF HUMOUR*

 *Lexophile" is a term used to describe those who are clever with words, such as "you can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish" or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."*

*A competition to see who can come up with the best lexphillies is held every year in Dubuque, Iowa.* 

*The year's winning submissions are........*

*A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.*

*The batteries were given out free of charge.*

*A dentist and a manicurist married.* 

*They fought tooth and nail.*

*A will is a dead giveaway.*

*A boiled egg is hard to beat.*

*Police were called to the daycare centre, where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.*

*Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left* *side was cut off ?* 

*He's all right now.*

*A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.*

*The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully re-covered.*

*He had a photographic memory which was never developed.*

*When she saw her first strands of grey hair thought she'd dye.*

*Acupuncture is a job well done. That's the point of it.*

*FOR THOSE WITH A PUNNY SENSE OF HUMOUR*