MAHABHARATIYA RAIL- A TALE OF PARRALELS

MAHABHARATIYA RAIL Characters: Lord Ackworth – Narrator of the tale (voice over only) Pandava brothers – Yudhishtir, Bhim, Arjun, Nakul, Sahdev Duryodhan – Oldest of the Kaurava brother Dushyasan – Younger brother of Duryodhan Karna – Confidante of Duryodhan, well-wisher of the Kauravas Shakuni – Uncle of the Kaurava brothers Dhristrashtra – King of Hastinapur Vidur – Minister to King of Hastinapur Sanjay – Charioteer of Dhritarashtra Lord Krishna Singh – Ruler of Dwarka and Kutch, well-wisher of the Pandavas (The stage is pitch dark, as the title song is played in the background) Mahabharatiya Rail ... Mahabharatiya Rail ... Mahabharatiya Rail ... AAAA ...AAAA ...AAAAA … This is the Railway Saga This is the Railway Saga Railway Saga Railway Saga This is the tale of EI Railway* (Eastern Indian Railway) The is the tale of BB Railway* (Bombay Baroda Railway) The is the tale of GIP Railway* (Great Indian Peninsular Railway) This is the Railway Saga This is the Railway Saga Railway Saga Railway Saga AAAA ...AAAA ...AAAA … (As the title song fades a wheel appears on the cyclorama) (Voice Over by Lord Ackworth) Let me introduce myself. I am the third son of the Reverend William Acworth of the Hall, Somerset, and Margaret née Dundas. My Christian name is William Mitchell Ackworth. I was born at Rothley, Leicestershire, where my father was the vicar. This was in the Good Lord’s year 1850, precisely seven years before an uprising took place in India. The Sepoys termed it a “Mutiny” and a large number of native historians refer it to as the “First War of Independence”. But we in Great Britain view it more as a disaffection of a few powerless and enfeebled principalities, led by an old, incapacitated and an ineffectual Moghul whose suzerainty spanned barely twenty kilometres from Red Fort to Palam. The man claimed himself to be the Emperor of India, which was no more than a shaggy dog story. He was a king who would rather have been a poet, scion of a once–wealthy dynasty who would have rather been a mystic. This purported king had the gumption to marshal forces against the East India Company, which was quelled mercilessly by our forces and he was imprisoned in Rangoon before casting his mortal self and penning some Urdu couplets. While all these tumultuous events were taking place, I was educated at Uppingham School and Christ Church, Oxford and was armed with a master’s degree in modern history in 1875. Public affairs were my forte and I became involved with the Conservative and Unionist politics of London. In 1886 I was elected as a member of the Metropolitan Asylums Board. When the first elections to the London County Council were held, the party nominated me as their candidate. My other interest lay in the railroad system. In 1889 I wrote a treatise on Railways of England which was followed by Railways of Scotland the following year. In 1905 I published a book, Elements of Railway Economics, which was widely used as a textbook. With this corpus of literature and my contribution to railways I was knighted in 1921 and appointed the chairman of the Committee on Indian Railways. The report of the committee was voguish as the “Ackworth Report”, and led to the reorganization of Great Indian Peninsular Railways, and creation of a separate Railway Budget, an arrangement which was not prevalent in British India. For my singular contribution I was appointed as the Knight Commander of the Star of India in the year 1922. (Title Song in the background) This is the Railway Saga This is the Railway Saga Railway Saga Railway Saga This is the tale of EI Railway* (Eastern Indian Railway) The is the tale of BB Railway* (Bombay Baroda Railway) The is the tale of GIP Railway* (Great Indian Peninsular Railway) This is the Railway Saga This is the Railway Saga Railway Saga Railway Saga AAAA ...AAAA ...AAAA … (Voice Over by Lord Ackworth) The story is set prior to the separation convention and the reorganisation of Indian Railways. The dominion and gauges of Great Indian Peninsular Railway (an extensive network consisting of Eastern India Railway, Madras Railway, Bombay Baroda Railway and Central India Railway) spread across the swathes of this vast land. Peace, tranquillity and prosperity prevailed in the hinterland, bijou towns and cities, loading terminals and the railway system at large. Cumulative loading was in excess of 200 million tonnes. The record of 195 million tonnes set a few years back was smashed, a matter of immense jollity to the rulers that is us, the British. The Lords have endowed me with a spesh ambrosia, developed with fuels such as electricity, coal and diesel which empowers me to be cognisant of the past, the present and the future. For it is only I, Lord Ackworth, who knows that time is of essence. The natives refer to me as Samay. Samay as per Indians is the Kaal Chakra or the inexorable wheel of time. Only their God, Narayana or Lord Vishnu, the preserver of Creation is conscious of what happened in the past, events occurring in the present and what lies in the womb of the future. Narayana left the railway systems of Mathura, Brindavan and Agra to establish a principality in the western part of the land at a place called Dwaraka. He is also known as General Manager of Dwaraka and Kutch. The control office is strategically located on an island, which safeguards the kingdom from competitors. I cannot reveal any further details about Lord Narayana, also known as Lord Krishna Singh, without obtaining Finance Concurrence. Let me tell you Lord Kuber, the Master of Railway Wealth is extremely exigent and has to be indulged. He does not easily vet any proposal or sanction any project uploaded on the IRPSM (Indian Railways Projects Sanctions & Management) website. Thus, my lips are sealed. However, as with kingdoms in the past or with the ones which will mushroom in the future, fissures have appeared in this palatinate too. King Dhritrashtra Singh on account of certain physical disabilities was superseded and was made General Manager of Eastern India Railway, his younger sibling King Pandu Singh was made the Chief Commissioner of Great Indian Peninsular Railways; the Supreme Commander of the Railway system post the uprising of 1857. This development rendered King Dhritrashtra Singh distraught and devastated. King Dhritrasthra Singh was now merely looking after Northern and Eastern territories of the railways, though he never stopped dreaming of occupying the top spot by virtue of being the older sibling. He hankered after power and challenged the anointment of his younger brother in the Honourable CAT*. But OSD (or Officer in Search of Duty), the venerable Bhishma rejected the appeal using the powers granted to him by the Lords. Another of these powers was the boon to live and serve the railways indefinitely. Tragically, King Pandu Singh could not breach the loading target as he was ensnared by a winsome operating officer who was also a successful danseuse, when he saw her at the railway club swimming pool. He ignored the entreaties of his wife and collapsed in the Central Control office. The Chief Commissioner of Indian Railways though valorous and sagacious, was a man with a roving eye. He had been warned by his teachers, sages and OSD Bhishma to concentrate on achieving the loading targets and stop entertaining lascivious thoughts. He did not pay heed to these warnings and unfortunately his life was snuffed out by a myocardial infarction. The operating officer fractured her leg and was incapacitated. Dhritrashtra became Acting GM and chief Commissioner. Senior most Pandava scion Yudhishtir was put on fast-track to take over. OSD Bhishma was tied to the throne by the strings of loyalty to the ruler and has the boon ichha retirement. Time is limited. Come; let me take you to the Railway Staff College Gurukul where the Kauravas and the Pandavas are being educated under the watchful eye of Guru Dronbhansali. (Song) We all are playing badminton, daily in the evening-2 Bhim ne shuttle cheen li, cheen li Bhim ne use phenk di, phenk di Sr DFM shuttle pass nahi ki, pass nahi ki … We all are … (Enter Guru Dron) Guru Dron – Respected Shakuni, ruler of North Western Province Railway which had its umbilical cord with the Northern Railway all royal railway-princeling probationers, during the course of two years you have studied subjects like Establishment Rules, Finance, Engineering, Operating and Conduct rules. Senior Pandava, Yudhishtir has passed with flying colours and secured a distinction in Conduct Rules, Bhim in catering, Nakul for Stores and Material Management and Sahdev in Engineering. I am happy and proud to announce that Arjun is awarded the gold medal in Foundation and Induction. Sadly, Kauravas number 5, 14, 68, 95 and 99 have failed their training programme. I sincerely hope that all the young officers will work in the field with as much dedication as you had shown during your training. I now request Shakuni to present the gold medal to Arjun. Arjun – (to Yudhistir, smiling and a little pompously) Bhratashri, I was not expecting it. Yudhistir – Dear Arjun, let me remind you that all four of us helped you cheat in the exam and thus you topped. Therefore, this medal belongs to all of us too. Arjun – As you command, respected brother. (Prize distribution is completed, the Pandavas exit) (Music, we all are playing badminton …) (The Kauravas collect around Shakuni and start complaining) Duryodhan – (in a whining tone) Did you see that Mama Shakuni? Arjun took away the gold medal as always. (angrily)And that Bhim … he always defeats me at Ludo and Carroms. Dushyasan – That’s right Mama Shakuni. And should I dare to complain, brother Bhim beats me up! Shakuni – My dear nephews, why do you keep coming to me with your crib-delegation? And honestly, what is a gold medal worth? Stop picking my brains! Duryodhan – (exclaims angrily) Mamashri! It affects our seniority. Did you forget the 60-40 ratio? I know it wasn’t there during your time. Dushyasan – That’s right Mamashri! Shakuni – Well then, show some enterprise! Take Bhim to dine at RK Caterers kitchen and then dump him in the polluted Yamuna. Dushyasan – I hope the river won’t get emptied! Duryodhan – (excitedly):Hey! shut up! What a strategy Mamashri!! (Exit all three) (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga) (Music fades, Voice Over) Lord Ackworth – Strange are the ways of destiny. What Dr. Fauzi could not do, Bhim Kumar succeeded. He emerged stronger and fitter after eating the food at RK Caterers and drinking water from the Yamuna. (Music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga ) (Enter Dushyasan, Duryodhan and Karna) Dushyasan – Myself Dushyasan, Kaurav Probationer. Hello Karna. Duryodhan – Brother Karna! Why didn’t you show up for the Induction Training? As a result, Arjun, succeeded in winning the gold medal. Karna – Friends, I was away appearing for the Mains again. My training got extended and I missed the Civil engineering class. Professor Parashuram Shreedharan got annoyed and cursed me. He proclaimed that at some time when I’m in a very tricky situation, my saloon* will derail and nobody would provide a crane to help me out during that crisis. Duryodhan – Not to worry my friend. I’ll speak to Pitashri and see that he gets an element transferred from Railway Board. In any case Railway Board is overpopulated with officers and peons. You’ll be posted straight away to Senior Scale, in Delhi Division on an ad hoc basis. (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga) (Voice Over) Lord Ackworth – Time passed by. Postabhishake of all the probationers was completed. But the sword of APARs hung like the Sword of Damocles over the heads of the young officers. Emotions were running high. Competition between the cousins was at its zenith. To maintain harmony, the kingdom was split into two. The Pandavas were allotted land in the northern and north-western parts of the country and the Kauravas retained the rest of the GIPR. The Pandavas had to start from scratch, beginning with laying the tracks. But the industrious Pandavas not only created the infrastructure needed, they exceeded their loading targets, a fact which infuriated the Kauravas to their tethers end. (Song) Ab ladenge hum aur tum Teri sitti pitti gum Hum karenge aisa chakkar Ki loading bhool jaoge tum Humma, Humma, hum jeete, Aur haare tum (Enter Duryodhan, Dushyasan, Shakuni and Dhritrashtra) Duryodhan – Pitashri, you rushed into dividing the kingdom. It was quite unnecessary and a wasteful exercise. Now their operating ratio is higher than ours. We had to concede territories from our network to them after suffering heavy losses in interchange and increased wagon holding. Dhritrashtra – Son, what else could I have done? I wanted to stop the reckless interchange mania between you and them. But still you lost. Hone your skills in railway operations under the tutelage of Guru Dron. Duryodhana – He keeps all the secrets to himself for his favourite Arjuna, not even for his son Ashwathama, who is on our side and loathes the Pandavas as we do. What is the point of such a Guru? Dushyasan – All our BCNs* will now be booked to Jagadri workshop and all our CRTs* which could have become Tiger Rakes will be booked to Moradabad for ROH*. Taatshri has already signed the circular! Shakuni – Beloved nephews, I have a formula, a special formula through which their yards will get congested, their points will burst, tracks will get fractured, tracks will get twisted. The punctuality of their passenger and mail express trains will go for a toss. Box turnaround will increase, JUMBOS will stagnate … my dear nephews they will be destroyed!! Duryodhan – But what is that formula, Mamashri? Shakuni – (triumphantly) It is called the Close Circuit Rake formula. Dhritrashtra – But isn’t it against the principles of the Operating Manual? Duryodhan – This is a latest circular, number 58, which you cannot see Pitashri. (Exit Kauravas, as they confabulate) (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga) (Enter Pandavas) Yudhistir – Finance Commissioner Uncle Vidur, Thanks to Mamashri Shakuni’s tactics and the CC* rake formula, our condition has become like that of an unconnected consignment. Nakul – I don’t think we were as stressed even during the Departmental exams. Sahdev – Hey! Why don’t you check –up D’Costa …Maybe we’ll find some clue. Vidur – (pondering over the problem) We will send Jyeshta Pandu Putra, Yudhistir to Australia. He will learn all Heavy Haul operations, which will help to improve your line capacity. (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga) (Voice Over) Lord Ackworth – Thus, with a combination of Financial Commissioners’ Vidur’s sagacity and acuity, once again the evil plans of Shakuni were thwarted. Benefactor and champion of the Pandavas, ruler of the Western Kingdom of Dwaraka and General Manager, Dwaraka and Kutch Railway GM Shri Krishna Singh (He who has knowledge of all the manuals, codes and knows all the rules just like me) advised the Pandavas to participate in the Panchal Sarai Yard Swayamvar and perform the R.E. or Rajsuya Electrification Yagnya. Join me as we witness the grand spectacle of Swayamvar. (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree RailwaySaga) Dhrupad – Panchaal Sarai Yard became mine after years of labour, years of intense tapasya. I hereby proclaim that I will hand over this yard to that worthy rail servant who can answer one simple question. (dramatic pause) My question to all of you is, “What do you see?” (A few seconds pause as the contestants look around) Duryodhan – (in a smirking tone): I can see the yard! Dushyasan – I can see an Electric loco. (Karna stands up to answer.) Arjun – (interjecting before Karna can speak) You are not eligible to participate because you did not complete your Induction Training and your inclusion among the blue-blooded officers is also questionable. You are on ad hoc appointment unlike us who have struggled to reach this exalted position. (Karna walks away in a huff) Bhim – I see Moti Mahal and smell the aroma of butter chicken Yudhistir – All that I can see is the track circuit. Nakul – I can only see Guru General Manager. Bhim – (sarcastically) That is all that you can ever see! Nakul – For sure! After all he is the one who helped me get my posting through the sports quota. Sahdev – I can only see Guru Divisional Railway Manager. (Arjun steps forward) Arjun – All that I can see is the Hump Signal. Dhrupad – The yard is yours Arjun! Heartiest Congratulations! Heartiest Congratulations! Yudhistir – As is our tradition, this yard will also be shared by all of us! Arjun – As you command, jyesht bhrathashree! Henceforth, this yard shall be known as Panchali. (Song) Ye yard bada hai mast, mast Nahi isme koi gol mod Nahi kar sakte hain tod phod Iski line, Iski line bejod, jod Ye yard straight kambakth bakth Ye yard bada hai mast, mast Shri Krishna Singh – Dear Arjun and my dear Pandavas, it has become vital for the Pandavasa to perform the RE or Railway Electrification Yagnya to ensure progress on the Grand Chord * and Main Line. This will help you to modernize your working. Moreover, this already has the blessings of Maharishi of the Planning Commission, Montek Singh Bedi. The RE yagnya has been included in the Pink Book* too. (Lights off and music (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga) (Voice Over) Lord Ackworth – The Railway Electrification Yagnya performed by the Pandavas under the guidance of their benefactor Lord Shri Krishna Singh was a stupendous success and the Pandavas achieved acclaim far and wide. As a result, there was a lot concern and turmoil in the Kaurava’s Central Control. Come let’s take a look at their affairs. (Duryodhan rushes onto the stage looking desperate) (Song) Mujhe neend na aaye, mujhe chain na aaye Pal, pal mujhe Arjun sataye Na jaane kahaan Karna kho gaya (4) Duryodhan – (despondently) I cannot bear to go through this anymore. I am going to do something! I am going to take voluntary retirement. Karna – Friend! Why do you worry? With your permission, let me derail four BOXN* rakes within their station limits. Shakuni – (exasperated) Oh Dear, the uncrowned King of Operations! Why do you always speak of derailing trains? Have you forgotten Parashuram Shreedharan’s curse that some heads will roll, likely beginning with yours! Duryodhan – But mamashree, I thought there is no accountability in railways. Shakuni – My dear nephew, at your level it is still there. It is still there … but I have another formula! Karna – (impatiently) With due respect mamashree, all your formulas have been condemned. Shakuni – No, my dear nephews. This is a tried and tested formula. Hear me out. (the Kauravas huddle closer to Shakuni, who addresses Duryodhan) Invite the Pandavas to a Humping Gamble. They will definitely agree to come because the senior most Pandava scion Yudhistir is addicted to gambling. He will never say no. Once they are here, I will apply the Agni formula to win all their lines, yards, loco sheds, sidings and workshops. (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga) (Pandvas and Kauravas come on stage from opposite sides) (Song) Mukabala (2), Ooh Pandav(2) Mukabala (2), Ooh Kaurav (2) Yeh mukabala, humping ka hoga Ab SGT yard daanv par laga, Yeh yard mera hua, ole ooh Formula Kam kar gaya Mukabala (2), Humping ka hoga Shakuni – Dear Nephews, let me first familiarize you with the rules of the Humping Gamble. I will be lowering the signals on behalf of Duryodhan. The team that humps 12 wagons first in each stake will be declared winner. We will declare stakes for each shift. (Looks around at the Kauravas and Pandavas) So, let me begin. I place Mughalsarai on stake for the first shift. Yudhistir – I place Khanalampura on stake. (Both pick up their phones to take position) Yudhistir – Hello Central Cabin? … How many wagons humped? Shakuni – (annoyed) What? Only 10 wagons humped because of non-interlocking? Yudhistir – Twelve wagons? Twelve wagons? Pandavas – (victoriously) Mughalsarai is ours! Mughalsarai is ours! Shakuni – Come on. Let’s declare the stakes for the second round. I place Trivandrum on stake. Yudhishtir – I place Jammu-Tawi and Simla on stake. (both pick-up their phones) Shakuni – What?! Hold-up in Jolarpettai? Trains are not running up to Trivandrum?! Only 11 wagons humped? Yudhisthir – 12 wagons humped! Pandavas – (jubilantly) Trivandrum is ours now!! Duryodhan – (boiling with anger, holds Shakuni by the collar): Mamashree, all your formulas have failed us! If we lose, we’ll have to proceed on deputation to RITES*. Shakuni – My dear nephew, let me now try a new tactic. I will change all their points using CSM* and BCM* formula. (Background noise of the gambling continues) (Lights darken) (Voice Over) Lord Ackworth – So, it was that the Humping Gamble by the Railputras was witnessed by all the Railjan. Shakuni succeeded in his scheming ways and the Pandavas lost their empire. (Song) Na koi yard hamare paas, Na koi siding hamare naam Ham kaise karenge raaj (2) O Dharmraaj (2) (Lights brighten) (Enter Kauravas) Kauravas – The Pandavas have lost Panchaal Sarai Yard too. Panchali is ours now! Duryodhan – Here! Give me the layout of Panchal Sarai. (Dushyasan moves forward to handover the layout plan to Duryodhan) Bhim – (in a fierce voice) Stop right there, Dushashan ! All the Railputras present, hear me! All those who read their papers in the Railway Board Seminar, hear me and all those got their papers written by others hear me. I, Panduputra Bhim hereby declare that during the war I will drink up all the fuel of Kauravas, I will destroy all their pantographs and I will destroy the integrity of their Agni, Rocket, Lotus and Tiger rakes. (Bhim moves a step forward and bellows in a loud voice) This is my Akhand Rail Pratigya! Dhritrashtra – (indignantly) This is unbecoming of a Railway servant. Duryodhan – The losing team may be dismissed from service under Article 14(2). Vidur – Maharaj that would be gross injustice. Instead, I recommend that they be served an SF 11 and asked to proceed on 180 days LWP. When they return, their areas may be restored to them. Dhritarashtra – This seems to be the most cost-effective way out. This has my approval. (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree RailwaySaga) (Voice over) Lord Ackworth – In this manner the Pandavas proceeded on leave. They obtained shelter in Rangiya Division of N F Railway, where the DRM had a very colorful past. Over there the Pandavas took up appropriately low-profile jobs to sustain themselves. Yudhishtir as Chief Controller, Bhim as Catering Inspector, Sahdev as Wagon inspector and Nakul as PWI. Arjun became the de facto nautanki incharge, working without any element or salary in the division. (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga) (Duryodhan, Shakuni and Vidur are in discussion) Duryodhan – (in a thoughtful tone) According to a significant report in my (SITREP) morning position, N. F. Railway aka Non-Functional Railway, has unexpectedly become functional. Loading has increased, catering has improved … Keechak Singh, the formidable Trade Union leader has been eliminated as a result of which the labour problem have been redressed. Shakuni – It appears that your cousins, the Pandavas seemed to have discovered a source of productive employment during their leave period … Listen to me dear nephews, I have another formula to tackle them. Our agent, TXR* Rangiya will take the seminar papers there. He’ll mark all their wagons DVW* as a result of which their performance indices will drop and their loading will plummet. Duryodhan – Aevamastu Vidur – But there is an indigenous loco developed by S. Mani in NFR. It’s called Yamraj … pardon me Gajraj. It runs on tea leaves, is thus cost effective and hauls BTPN rakes. (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga) (Voice Over) Lord Ackworth – The Pandavas complete the period of Agyaatvas. And they return from N.F. Railway. They had passed through fire and brimstone and emerged stronger and wiser, having acquired manuals to counter the wily Shakuni and their cousins. (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga) (Dhritrashtra seated on his throne and Yudhishtir speaking to him, Shakuni, the other Pandavas and Kauravas are also present) Yudhishtir – (addressing Dhritrashtra) Jyeshth Railway Adhikari, we have completed our period of LWP. I request you to regularize our leave period. I also request you to do justice unto us and return to us our kingdom. But … if you find yourself unable to do so, then let me tell you, a mere five sidings will be enough for us … the rest you may keep with yourself. Duryodhan – (interjecting before anyone else can): Five sidings?? You won’t get a single sand hump out of me! Yudhishtir – (perplexed) But why not? Duryodhan – (singing) Meri marzee Panchali mere saath rahegi, meri marzee Jise chahunga salary doonga, meri marzee Mai tumhe confidential doonga, meri marzee Yudhishtir – (in a grave tone) Then war is inevitable! (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga) (Music fades out, whistle of a WDM2 sounds) (Voice Over) Lord Ackworth – Before the war begins, Duryodhan and Arjun decide to pay a visit to General Manager of Dwaraka and Kutch, Shri Krishna Singh to seek his assistance. (Arjun and Duryodhan walk into Lord Shri Krishna Singh’s chamber where he is napping) Duryodhan – (pompously) Dwarakadheesh is always asleep. (Arjun prostrates before Lord Shri Krishna Singh) Shri Krishna Singh – (affectionately) Arjun! Tell me, how was your sojourn in the N.F. Railway? Arjun – O Keshav, you are of course aware that SAG officers are surplus over all railway zones, and surprisingly even in N.F. Railway as officers from Railway Board have been shunted all over. Therefore, I decided to make an entry via the cultural quota by training at a Dance Academy. But believe me, it was no song-and-dance. In the bargain I seem to have forgotten my operating chops. Duryodhan – (addressing Shri Krishna Singh, interjecting) You are of course aware that war has been declared. I insist that you have to fight on our side. Lord Shri Krishna Singh – Is that so? Why? (Ignoring him, he starts playing the flute) Arjun – (interjecting politely) After serving in N.F., we have the boon of ichha request O, Keshav. So, you have to help us. Lord Shri Krishna Singh – (looking from one to the other) You have put me in a quandary. (thinks for few minutes) On the one hand will be 90,000 of my staff, including stalwarts like the Divisional Secretary and Zonal Secretary, and on the other hand it will be just me. I will not pick up a weapon. I will only guide you on Establishment Rules. Duryodhan – (eagerly) Then I will opt for the Divisional Secretary, Zonal secretary and the 90,000 men. Lord Shri Krishna Singh – Tadhastu! (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga) (Shakuni is seated and Duryodhan walks in excited) Duryodhan – (in a triumphant tone) Mama Shakuni, we are stronger than ever now!! Ninety thousand staff, including Divisional Secretary and Zonal Secretary from Dwaraka and Kutch will fight on our behalf!! Shakuni – You fool! That elusive Shri Krishna has tricked you. Neither do his men have arms and nor has Finance Department given its concurrence for any new purchases. What is the point of an army without any weapons? You always act in haste and repent at leisure. Now I see no purpose in your visit to Dwaraka and Kutch. (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga) (Dhritrashtra seated on the throne and Sanjay seated next to him) Dhritrashtra – Sanjay, Sanjay where are you? Sanjay – (exasperatedly) Sir, when you cannot see me anyway, why should I present myself before you? (pauses to calm himself) Sir, let me proceed to give you the live position of the battlefield. I have the boon of a cellular phone technology, though it is banned by the ministry of Finance at the moment. Dhritrashtra – Tell me Sanjay, what is going on over there? Sanjay – Benefactor of the Pandavas, Sri Krishna is giving Arjun the Railkshetre Divisionkshetre discourse. (Song) Hump kiye ja (2) Damage ki chinta mat kar e insaan, Jaisa hump karega, waisa wagon dega Ram Yeh hai humping ka gyan (2) Arjun – Hey Keshav, how can I fight this war. Neither do I remember Maslow and Herzberg’s Motivational Theory nor do I remember ABC Analysis. I do not even remember D and AR rules! I have forgotten the 4Ps of marketing and also the strategy of Sun Tzu, Kautilya, Michael Porter and Garry and Hammel. I do not recall economics, macro or micro. Today I am a failure (he slumps to the ground). Sanjay – Arjun has not been able to overcome his illusions despite Krishna’s guidance. In desperation Shri Krishna has sent an SOS to the Rajbhasha Adhikari. (Voice Over) Yadaa, Yadaa hi budgetasya, Glanirbhavati railway Abhyuthanam Budgetasya, Senior DAO srujamyaham Bill ruddhanaya Thekedaranaam Dandanayacha Afsaraan Karma Sansthapanaya Sambhvami Railey Railey Krishna – Hey Arjun, you completed your SA grade Promotional course a mere few weeks back and you’ve forgotten the D and AR rules?! You are not behaving as a man of ordinary prudence. Your conduct is unbecoming of a Railway Servant. O Railputra Arjun, hear me and hear me well. New warriors, when they arrive Get the stations cleaned all over again Then they issue new joint circulars But the passengers, they change not Garbage they continue to throw around Can that be reason for not installing dustbins? Rise O Arjun, this is a war for Dharma Today, your duty is to clean up! (Lights fade out) Krishna – O Arjun, you forget that you were a mere Nautanki incharge in N.F., you taught dance. Now I’m going to bless you with the ability to witness a divine sight which will help you to destroy all the Kauravas. (Visual of Krishna’s Vishwa Roop Darshan) Krishna – Remember your Junior Scale days O Arjun, when a mere verbal lashing would give the controllers a heart attack and doctors would rush to treat them. Remember your days as Sr. DOM when you wielded D&AR to clear many ineffectual personnel out of your way. Arjun – But Lord, those who I removed were mere employees. These are my course-mates, my batch-mates and my cousins. Krishna – Let me reveal the secret to destroy the valorous Kaurava soldiers. Recollect your skills as a dancer that you acquired during your time in N.F. Railway. Use those skills before Bhishma and that will put an end to his boon of icchha retirement. He will be forced to step down as Commander-in-Chief. Prepare a siding where elephants are loaded instead of horses and buffaloes. Do this where Guru Dron is stationed. The moment he sees elephants being loaded, he will voluntarily step away from the battlefield and opt for retirement. Karna is in any case cursed by Professor Shreedharan and so his saloon will get derailed. Arjun – (ingenuously) So, we will not send an Accident Relief Train? Krishna – The hooter at State Entry Road colony is never audible. Most railputras end up mistaking an accident for a mock drill. Arjun – O Lord, then how do I defeat Duryodhan? Krishna – Arjun, pay attention. Every time Duryodhan goes on line, he inspects more of the railway housing colonies than he does the tracks. Our spies have it all recorded on their iPhones. When you release this video online, it will go viral. Duryodhan will be forced to hand back Panchal Sarai yard to avoid even worse a fate. This way you will not have to seek permission of PFA and CMD. (Lights off) (Dhritrashtra and Sanjay are seated) Dhritrashtra – Is he enlightening him?? More like confusing him! Sanjay – Sir, if only you had agreed to transfer five sidings to the Pandavas, we could have avoided the catastrophe of this war. Be that as it may, the latest position stands this way. Arjun has used the Heavy Haul Astra and Bhim has fulfilled his Rail pratigyna. OSD Bhisma is lying on the ARME bed and Arjun is taking him towards the washing pit to slake his thirst. Karna’s saloon has got derailed. Bhishma has opted for voluntary retirement and seems to be in favor of privatization. Sir, you have lost the war. (Voice Over) Lord Ackworth – In this way the Great Indian Peninsular Railway was privatized and the Pandavas became rulers of N.E. Railway or Non-Existent Railway. The once glorious kingdom of Great Indian Peninsular Railway was trifurcated into TELCO Corridor, Adani Port Railway and Ambani Rail Infrastructure Corporation. (Voice Over) Akaashvaani – The travelling public reaped the benefits of the trifurcation; world class facilities at affordable rates. But ten years down the line complaints began surfacing that rail services were becoming exorbitantly expensive and a regulatory authority was needed to intervene. A search is currently on by an ombudsman for a suitable regulatory. (Lights off and music) (Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Aaa, Athshree Railway Saga) CURTAINS 15. CRB ELECTION SECIAL Characters: Sutradhaar – Narrator (voice over only) Vishwanathan Iyer – Executive Director, (Planning) in Railway Board and moderator of the debates. Lord Siri – Economist, thinker and politician M. S. Plaha – Former Chairman Railway Board and Former Chairman, Coal India Paahi – Trade Union Leader (Present day, inside the Central Hall of the Parliament of India) Sutradhaar – A few years ago, as shadows lengthened and evening set in over Luytens’ Delhi, the weather turned crisp and chill. Railwayme who had congregated at Ashoka Hotel for a two-day Chintan Baithak pulled out their woollens after a long day of deliberation interspersed with sumptuous meals and several cups of piping hot coffee and tea served by IRCTC. They finally had a tryst with destiny and had made a solemn pledge to the Indian Parliament and their countrymen. Indian Railways was in dire straits with a falling market share and loss of profitability and a high operating ratio*. A tectonic shift was warranted. The time had finally come for Indian Railways and Railwaymen to usher in radical changes. They had to redeem their iconic pledge and assure the nation that they would abide by the promises made and signed on an indemnity bond at the Chintan Baithak. This was to be executed wholly, and in full measure and not merely substantially. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the all the world was in deep slumber, the Indian Railways and the Railwaymen decided that they would awaken to life and eschew foreign dependency and become absolutely self-reliant and Atmanirbhar. Such moment arrives, but rarely in history, when a humungous organisation steps out from the comfort zone of the old, into the brave new world; when the soul of a transporter, long suppressed, finds utterance under the helmsmanship of a robust Cost Accountant. It was indeed salutary that at this solemn moment all Railwaymen embarked to take a pledge of dedication in the service of India and her people and to the still larger cause of humanity with greater zeal. Passion and zeal for their work had been found lacking, as railwaymen though a dedicated lot by nature, began feathering their nests under a political dispensation which was wedded to woolly slogans of populism and concessions, where market dynamics and profitability were viewed with the prism of suspicion. Its decades old history was populated with grandiose failures interspersed with modest successes. Several projects of gauge conversion*, doubling*, tripling, (and quadrupling too, oh! vain ambition!), the much-vaunted Dedicated Freight Corridor (DFCCIL)* and Railway Electrification (RE)* which had been lying in the limbo were provided a fresh lease of life. Fortuitously, through good fortune and ill fortune alike, and inspite of the narrow view of departmentalism, Railwaymen did not lose sight of the quest of forgotten ideals for which they were selected (at the pleasure of the President of India, through the UPSC!). This alone was a source of great strength. Perhaps the seeds of the present lay in the karma of their predecessors. The corporate goal has always been to run passenger and freight services, with freight cross-subsidising the passenger services. The generalists (IRAS, IRPS, IRTS, RPF and RBSS)* were selected through Union Public Service Commission (UPSC), while the technocrats (IRSE, IRSS, IRSEE, IRSME etc)* were selected through the Engineering Services examination. Therein were sown the seeds of overarching departmentalism with each department shadow boxing to gain supremacy. Let me now recall the epochal decisions taken during the two-day Chintan Bhaithak. (Flash back to two years back). (Chintan Baithak, Ashoka Hotel Convention Centre) (Bleary-eyed Railwaymen assembled in the hall look at the screen as Executive Director (Planning) begins. Vishwanathan Iyer, a sprightly young-looking officer, who maintained himself by playing squash regularly at the Gymkhana Club and sustained himself on fruits and soup for lunch and dinner, unveiled Vision 2024 Document called Atmanirbhar Bhartiya Rail). Vishwanathan Iyer – Good morning, Hon’bl Minister of Railways, Hon’bl Minister of State for Railways, Chairman, Railway Board, Members of Railway Board, General Managers of Open Lines, General Managers of Production Units and assembled Principal Heads of Departments, other officers including all Probationers too. This two-day Chintan Bhaithak was undertaken to identify causes for the declining market share, our inherent weaknesses, to tackle the growing departmentalism, inability of Railway officers to speak with conviction to politicians, the IAS, the IPS and the business community. We have to regain our pole position which we occupied during our days of piecemeal loading and humping yards. Let me encapsulate the proceedings of the last two days. It has been decided (with the sarva sammati of the existing Board Members and CRB) that henceforth there will a single cadre, to be called the Indian Railway Management Service (IRMS). All existing services would be merged into this entity quite like rivers losing their identity in an ocean! (Lot of commotion from where the officers are seated). (ED, Planning continues) Selection to the service will be through a common examination to be conducted by the Research Development and Standard Organisation (RDSO) (officers may be appointed or dismissed, as the case may be, at the pleasure of the President of India). Officers of IRMS can rise to pivotal positions such as Divisional Railway Manager (DRM), Principal Head of Department (PHOD), General Manager (GM) of Zonal Railways. A few would occupy the positions of Members of the Board. Cadres of all technical departments and administrative departments would be commixed into one to run the organisation smoothly and efficiently. (Railwaymen were on tenterhooks. Clapping and cheering by a section of the officers) Sutradhaar – This decision will have implications! Officers of the technical services could not believe their ears. Inherently they had what is known as the age-advantage, which meant they would automatically rise to occupy most of the top slots. This would finally put the UPSC lot in their place. Yet, long years of dealing with the Sarkari behemoth (they were the Sarkari behemoth!) made them wary of anything that sounded too good to be true. (ED, Planning continues) Vishwanathan Iyer – Ladies and Gentlemen, please, please, allow me to place all the facts before you. (Dramatic silence) (A few minutes elapse before ED, Planning can continue) Vishwanathan Iyer – Moving on ladies and gentlemen. Inputs would be received from specialists to counsel officers to become more productive and efficient. (Murmurs in the audience even as ED, Planning continues his presentation) Allow me to read out a few other significant decisions taken: (i) Railway finances are in a precarious state. Thus, the formula worked out by Lord Ackworth in 1921 which ushered in separation of railway finances from the General Budget would be scrapped and merged with the general pool. (ii) Inorder to provide world class passenger services, IR will launch Bullet Trains, High Speed Trains, Private Operated Trains and skeletal services of passenger services. (iii) The EDFC* and WDFC* would be completed at the earliest to ferry cargo at a scorching pace. (iv) Business Development Units (BDUs) will be set up to attract fresh traffic as the existing lot of officers and staff have a laid-back attitude and quite unaware of the words “customer friendly”. Sutradhaar – (in a disbelieving tone) They haven’t learnt the concept of fixing time bound targets even now!! (ED, Planning continues) Vishwanathan Iyer – May I request the attention of all present. Coming up next is a very significant decision. The structure of the apex body of the railways, the Railway Board will be radically altered. The motto is minimum officers and staff to deliver maximalist governance. Inefficient and corrupt officers will be sacked summarily. In order to achieve this lofty goal and end the ceaseless departmental turf war, Board members will hold dual charge to improve efficiency and empathise with the misadventures of others. (gasps of disbelief from senior officers). Further, powers of Financial Commissioner (FC) are being reappraised. In the new scheme of things FC, (hitherto a law onto himself, thought Vishwanathan Iyer) would continue to vet all proposals and parallelly report to the Union Finance Secretary as the strings of the Railway Budget would be dovetailed with the Finance Bill. (Plenty of crosstalk as all sections of officers begin discussing things amongst themselves. Officers of the Medical Department and the RPF appear most restless. Not a word had been said about them. Would they survive at all? Or would they get drowned in the general mess, especially in view of the changes in the FC’s role) Vishwanathan Iyer – Medical Services in the Railways would continue to be manned by Director General, Health Services. Of course, BCG, McKenzie, the Rakesh Mohan Committee and a host of others had advocated privatising the health and medical sectors. But this move was opposed tooth and nail by the Trade Unions and keeping their wishes uppermost, the move is on the backburner. The sacred cow of Railway Protection Force will not be snapped from its umbilical cord, the Ministry of Home Affairs. DG RPF would be an officer of the IPS and RPF officers will continue to be selected through UPSC exam. (Much consternation within the Civil Service lot of officers) Sutradhaar – And of course, officers of the RPF Railway Protection Force would continue to be their lowly minions. After all they secured fewer marks in the titanic Civil Services examination. Vishwanathan Iyer – (pauses to clear his throat loudly) Ladies and gentlemen, there are two more singular announcements to made. (all chatter ceases and attention is drawn towards the speaker). Thank you! One, all the General Managers of Indian Railways, Open Line or Production Units, would be provided the apex grade of Secretary to Government of India. Sutradhaar – (exclaiming) This is a world class sop! (Murmurs among probationers and members of FROA*, promotee officers FROA, seated in a single block. “Do they know what they are doing?” “All GMs?” “Has this the approval of the DOPT, the UPSC and the Cabinet Secretary?” “And what about the IAS lobby?”) Vishwanathan Iyer – (nodding his head knowingly) Yes, all the GMs. Sutradhaar – What a master stroke to quell any uprising by the top echelons, railwaymen and trade unions as in 1974. This is essentially a move to ensure no one would foment any trouble. They have yet to hear the coup de grace. Vishwanathan Iyer – Coming now to the last and the most important announcement; one that involves, literally involves each and every one of us officers and railwaymen. (Sudden hush in the room, all wait with a bated breath) (ED, Planning continues) Once the chain of changes come into force, Chairman Railway Board … will … cease to be … Ex Officio Principal Secretary to GOI. (Collective gasp from all officers) Instead, he would hold dual charge of CEO and Chairman Railway Board. (sarcastically) This is incredible. It is tantamount to down gradation of the decisive and preeminent position in the organisation. Of course, this decision has been taken to ensure Sabka Saath, Sabka Ka Haath aur Railwalaon ka Vikaas. That is not all … it has been unanimously decided … the CEO and Chairman Railway Board would neither be selected nor appointed by GOI, … rather the most suitable candidate will be chosen by the process of ELECTION. This will ensure enormous transparency. This responsibility falls upon the august assembly of railwaymen, all officers of the IR. IRMS and Railwaymen have hard work ahead. There is no resting for any of us till we redeem our covenant in its entirety to ensure that IR regains its place of pride. (Cut to present day) (Inside the studio of a rambunctious television channel) Sutradahar – After long deliberation of the proposals, it was decided by the Standing Committee and the Select Committee of the Parliament that the manifesto of change be put to vote by the internal stake holders of Indian Railways, officers and staff of Indian Railways. The government had also decided in its infinite wisdom that that no insinuations of privatization ought to be levied against their grandiose plans. Further the Teflon coat of the government should not be smeared with the tirade of Suit Boot ki Sarkar, sneaking in of privatization, fostering crony capitalism and last but not least the government of the day capitulating to consultants and foreign banks. Thus, it was that elections were held on the very day the indigenously developed T-18, renamed Vande Bharat was flagged off from New Delhi to the ancient Indian city of Varanasi. Several railway officers voted while travelling maintaining all protocols of secrecy as CISF officials guarded the EVMs. Vishwanathan Iyer – Railwaymen of the fourth largest railway network in the world through size, are waiting with bated breath for the results of elections to the post of CEO and Chairman, Railway Board. Two parties have emerged as the frontrunners, the Pro Changers and the No Changers; fairly simple and self-explanatory that! The candidate of the Pro Changers is Shri Ravindra Gupta, Principal Chief Material Manager, North Central Railway and the No Changers have fielded IRTS officer, Shri Anu Singh Mallik, Principal Chief Operations Manager, South East Central Railway. Let me introduce our esteemed panel. Sardar Manjit Singh Plaha, former Chairman, Railway Board and Chairman, Coal India; Lord Siri, eminent thinker and economist and Member of the House of Lords and Pahi, firebrand trade union activist representing large numbers of Railwaymen, especially from Bengal and Assam. Well, my simple and singular question to the panel is this, what do you think about the agenda unleashed? Approved by the Parliament of India, no less. Let me begin with you M.S. Plaha. M.S. Plaha – (energetically, very loudly) Vishwanathan, thank you. Let me state my point of view unequivocally. The proposals as envisaged by the government of the day and seconded by the Railway Board are ridiculous to say the least. When the Indian Railways faced a similar financial crunch years back, the then government had initiated certain definitive changes to overcome the misadventures. Let viewers appreciate the background. All the arteries of the railways were choked as the rolling stock* was stabled on account of low demand and improper planning to monetize the assets. At that point, then Madam Prime Minister of India sacked the then Railway Board and elevated your truly as CRB with the mandate to turn round the system. I was considered a visionary who could usher in reforms, when such a word did not even exist in our lexicon. (Pahi and Lord Siri snigger at the pompous and bombastic opening remarks of the venerable, former giant of Indian Railways) Pahi – What a fart he is … M.S. Plaha – Through the clarity of my vision we achieved targets laid down by PMO. Loading was stepped up; block rakes were formed and I accomplished what was envisioned by the Prime Minister. Please appreciate that there is a clear division of roles between the generalists and specialists. There is bound to be difference of opinion, but that is a healthy practice which provides inputs to fuel fresh ideas. Can we ever compare apples and oranges? The move to merge the services into IRMS is a preposterous idea. God give them sanity. How could the Board and the General Managers have been so pusillanimous? The Pro Changers will be routed in the ensuing elections. Lord Siri – I think Sardar Manjit Singh Plaha continues to be one woolly-headed socialist. The world has changed, so have organizations across the globe. Indian Railways has been the mulching holy cow of politicians, trade unions, the travelling public, railway officers and business entities. Sweeping changes are warranted or CRO and MRO cases on North Central Railway will continue unabated. Let me quote a single example to indicate how the railways are run. In Bangalore, if one were to travel by rail from Whitefield to Majestic Bus stand, it costs all of Rs 2/-. If the venerable Sardarji takes a bus, he would have to shell down Rs 50/- and if our trade union leader Pahi is ferried by a cab, her union would have shell out Rs500/-. Look at the economics! How incongruous and skewed! Pahi – Lord Siri, one single case will not speak for a network of hundreds of kilometres. We will oppose the move tooth and nail. Our workers will be swamped by the corporates. They will be rendered unemployed. All these policies work only in developed countries like England and the US. Lord Siri – Incidentally, you stay in the best of hotels in London and scream homilies about poverty. Pahi – How dare he ... The Lord is behaving in a most obnoxious manner. He should apologize. (She threatens to walk out) (ED, Planning brokers peace and sanity for the proceedings to resume. Lord Siri is compelled to apologize). Vishwanathan Iyer – Gentlemen and ladies, let us maintain some decorum. This show is being beamed on national television. We have now received the first trends from PRS counters of the regional offices of Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata, Chennai and Hyderabad. As was expected Pro Changers are sweeping everywhere except Kolkata. Do these trends indicate that in tech savvy centres Pro Changers will garner all the votes? M.S. Plaha – These are mere postal ballots. Let us enter the loading divisions and zones and then the real picture will emerge. Bole So Nihal, Sat Sri Akal. Wahe Guru Da Khalsa, Wahe Guru Di Fateh. Lord Siri – Why the war cry and sloganeering? This is absolutely unacceptable in a debate on such a topic. Sutradhaar – As the debate in the TV studio was stewing, counting was gathering pace at all the divisions, zonal offices, production units. Meanwhile there were some reports of malfunctioning EVMs, but Election Commission of India which had deputed RDSO to provide the machines debunked these charges as baseless. Vishwanathan Iyer – Well, well, well! Charges of EVM malfunctioning, war cries, sloganeering, trading of charges; all part of Indian electoral process. Elections in the Railways are no different. Let me pose a straightforward and simple question to our esteemed panellists. What is their opinion about IRMS — a unified cadre to run the Indian Railways. As per the government it would end the malaise of departmentalism and usher in major reforms and transparency in railway working. So let me open up the debate. I pose the question to Lord Siri. Lord Siri – Thank You, Vishwanath …Hmm ...I think this is an intrepid move by the government. It will usher in major changes, changes for the good. For years the technical services have been subservient to their counterparts selected through the Civil Services Examination. The unified cadre will provide a platform for authentic technocrats to emerge and have a say in the 4Ps of marketing – Product, Price, Place and Promotion; be it passenger services or freight services. This aspect is absolutely dominated by the IRTS and the IRAS who feel a sense of superiority purely by virtue of having being selected through the Civil Services examination. M.S. Plaha – This is an absolutely nonsensical approach. Imagine a Civil Engineer who has worked all his life maintaining tracks and machines, suddenly has to decide allotment of wagons! What a mess it would create. An ace operating officer who spends hours in the control office or in yards, good sheds and sidings knows the intricacies of wagon allotment. You have to understand. Both the departments are monitoring different aspects. This spineless Board, has without any thought or appreciation of facts, misled the Rail Mantri. I tell you the DOPT and UPSC will turn down the proposal. The morale of hundreds of Civil Servants selected through a rigorous examination would be totally demoralized. I hope better sense prevails and the proposal is struck down. Lord Siri – Shri Plaha, are you implying or worse, do you actually believe that those who are selected through the engineering services examination are inferior to their counterparts selected through the UPSC exam? M.S. Plaha – Oh Lordship …this system was created by those masters whom you serve. You can read through the British manuals of railway working and appreciate the system. Incidentally there are several technocrats, doctors and management students who man the operating and commercial departments of the railways. Operating is like the infantry of Indian Railways. Lord Siri – This is neither here nor there. You have spoken a lot without saying anything. … Let me correct you. Operating was the like infantry of the Indian Railways. But today with widespread computerization, why do you prevent technocrats from participating in day-to-day operations? M.S. Plaha – Well, I have seen these (makes an exaggerated gesture with his hands) “technocrats” perform this task in the most low-grade and gimcrack manner as DRMs and GMs. Don’t you realise, officers are groomed to play the pivotal role of PCOM and PCCM. It cannot be injected in someone’s system like a vaccine. Lord Siri – But your operating officers refuse to provide blocks for maintenance of tracks and bridges. M.S. Plaha – (raises his voice sharply) This is a false accusation. The bogey that comes up whenever there is nothing left to say. On the contrary the technical departments are never able to adhere to the block corridors. Vishwanathan Iyer – I think we are digressing. Let me bring in Pahi, to get her opinion. Pahi – (irritated for having been kept waiting so long) All I want is that the interests of labour, unions, trade union activity taken care of. There should be no privatisation of the railways. I repeat no privatisation. Organised labour is absolutely against privatization of railways. Millions of our workers would be rendered jobless. Lord Siri – What a narrow vision you have Pahi! This organization needs money, which the government does not have. Today or a few years later, corporatisation and privatisation is on the cards. There will be private train operators. For your unions to survive and the trade unions to do trading in unions, investment by the private sector is inevitable. Pahi – I once again register my protest, at the uppity attitude of the Lord. Vishwanath Iyer – Ladies, gentlemen and Railwaymen we now have some concrete results: Won Leads Tie Northern Rly No Changers Western Rly Pro Changers South East Central Rly No Changers CRIS No Changers RITES Leading IRCON Leading CONCOR Pro Changers North Western Railway Tie M.S. Plaha – Traffic hai jahan …Railway hai wahan. Wahe Guru Da Khalsa, Wahe Guru Di Fateh. Lord Siri – (irritated) Why do you insist on mixing religion with politics? Pahi – Perhaps this is the only issue that we are in agreement. (turning to Vishwanathan Iyer) Why is he permitted to raise this battle cry every few minutes? M.S. Plaha – Oye … I can use the words of my choice. Twannu operations da pata bhi hai? Gal karte hain … Lord Siri – (nodding his head in disgust) Now he has the gumption to digress into Punjabi. Vishwanathan Iyer – (gesticulating at the panellists, trying to raise his voice above the din) I think the panellists should rise above these petty charges and concentrate on the analysis of the results. Let me ask our preeminent panel regarding their opinion on T-18 or Vande Bharat as it is known, and DFCCIL. Pahi, let’s start with you. Pahi – As far as Vande Bharat is concerned, Loco Pilots, Assistant Loco Pilots, TTEs and Train Superintendents of the AIRF* should man the train. Our office bearers should be provided with free passes to travel by the train. Now, DFCCIL is another story altogether. We have no data as to the number of freight trains that will run. India has borrowed heavily from Japan and the Railways is paying huge amount of capital to contractors who are building the assets. All our doubts should be dispelled. Most importantly if the Dedicated Freight Corridor is executed on time, punctuality of existing mail express and other trains should improve substantially. This means that freight and passenger services will be taken care of … (ending with a flourish) … where is the need for any changes? Can any one answer this question? If anything, additional resources ought to be pumped into Indian Railways. M.S. Plaha – Privatisation is no solution to extricate the railways from the existing financial mess. Private operators would tinker with the Preferential Traffic Schedule* to peddle their goods and services. Essential commodities like food grains, fertilizer, dairy products, fruits, vegetables, sugar and even Military Movement, which is A category, may get compromised. Vande Bharat is already compromised. We have only 2 rakes, running, New Delhi-Varanasi and New Delhi-Jammu Tawi. It has become a turf war between Electrical and Mechanical departments; a major bone of contention between the two regarding ownership. Vishwanathan Iyer – Therefore, does this not augur well for IRMS? M.S. Plaha – This is sheer incompetency on the part of the two departments who wish to feather their nest. People who have never worked in Open Line and have been merely DRMs and Members of the Board are deciding the fate of thousands of traffic officers, in particular Operating officers. Make 100 train sets of T-18 and see how my boys run the trains. The candidate of the Pro Changers, what’s his name? Ravindra Gupta, would not be able to differentiate between a diesel and an electric locomotive. Is he even aware that the train’s regenerative brakes are also expected to allow a 30% savings in electricity costs as compared to its predecessor? Your final question on DFCCIL —my views are quite similar to those of the trade union leader Pahi. It is too early to comment. Pahi – I am surprised at the statement of the much-lionized M.S. Plaha sir. You crushed us in your stint as CRB. M.S. Plaha – That was the order of the day. Sutradhaar – Meanwhile there are reports of violence between supporters of the Pro Changers and No Changers in the coal belt areas of East Central Railway, South East Central Railway, and South Eastern Railway. M.S. Plaha – (scoffing) The Pro Changers must be trailing and their hired hoodlums would be engaged in violence. Vishwanathan Iyer – Well, well, well. We have the results in. I can now announce the results of this unique, first-time election. So kindly permit me to declare the results. No Changers (11) Pro Changers (3) Tie (2) Northern, North Central, East Coast, Central, West Coast, South Central, Eastern, South Eastern, East Central, Eastern, South East Central North Western, North Eastern Frontier, Southern, Konkan Western, South Western Did anyone keep a tally? Eleven zones to No Changers. Looks like Shri Anu Singh Mallik will be at the helm. M.S. Plaha – (twirling his moustache) My operating boys have made me proud today. Lord Siri – (with a display of confidence he does not feel) Let us wait for results of the production units and … (he is interrupted by Vishwanathan Iyer) Vishwanathan Iyer – (loudly and in an excited voice) People of India and all Railwaymen are on tenterhooks. I have the final tally now. But before that … I would like the panellists to state, unequivocally, their view on the three issues raised. Lord Siri – (pompously) Look Vishwanath, I have studied the collapse of major railway systems where Traffic department was undue predominance. Time has come for a few radical moves. First, Indian Railways need to be corporatised and then privatised. There is an imminent need for a common cadre of IRMS to end the languor. Private input alone can revive Indian Railways. Questions like Preferential Traffic Schedule and non-transportation of essential commodities by private players is propaganda by status quoists. Look at the telecom sector. Mobile internet has been such a positive development force in the country’s digital progress, that in 2019, over 73% of India’s total web traffic was coming from mobile phones. Let me draw your attention to another interesting statistic. After privatisation there are 39 airlines operating in India in all. The scheduled airlines are the primary carriers who command a majority of the domestic market share. A majority of these scheduled airlines operate in the budget segment. The hegemony of Air India has been unshackled and there are more players, additional funds, a modern fleet and most importantly it has created many jobs. I am all for privatization. And customer is the KING. Do not treat him like kashtamar. DFCCIL will radically transform the pattern of train operations. IRTS will be finished! Thus, M.S. Plaha is pretending to be unsure. To sum it in one word, privatise or perish. Vishwanathan Iyer – We have had a dramatic day of counting and now the results of production units, training institutes and PSUs are also available. And … hold your breaths ladies and gentlemen, this was never imagined! CRB elections have thrown up a TIE between the Pro Changers and the No Changers!! A tie! …unbelievable … Ravindra Gupta and Anu Singh Mallik have garnered the same tally of votes. And we have a a hung Railway Board. Lord Siri – Indian Railwaymen are developing and evolving. M.S. Plaha – (ashen faced, mumbles) Shocking! Pahi – What will happen to our trade unions? We will protest all over Indian Railways. All tracks will be blocked. Sutradhaar – In view of the hung vote, the results were referred back to the Parliament to take cognizance of the hung Railway Board, (and for further action please!). The Parliament has decided to send the results to the standing committee of Railways to examine the results and determine the future of IRMS and other issues. It was also decided to form an expert committee consisting of Railway officers, corporates, trade unions and managerial experts from IIMs to suggest the way forward with the Director General of RDSO to be the Secretary of the Committee. They have been given six months to submit their recommendations. (One Year Later) Vishwanathan Iyer – Ladies, Gentlemen and Railwaymen! We are back to the drawing board. On the panel are M.S. Plaha, Pahi and Lord Siri. One line each from the members of the panel. M.S. Plaha – To my mind this was the only solution to the vexed problem. Lord Siri – This is a typical bureaucratic solution and I feel desolate that technocrats have lost their place under the sun. Pahi – Trade Unions as usual have received nothing in this battle. (Epilogue) Sutradhaar – It was decided that IRAS, IRPS and IRTS officers would continue to be selected under the auspices of UPSC through the Civil Services Examination. RPF would be part of IPS. All technical services will be selected by RDSO and not through the Engineering Services examination. It was feared however by the technical services that they would superannuate in JAG only and they would remain Group B officers. Answers to this vexed question lies in the womb of the future. Project DFCCIL and production of T-18 would be put on fast track. IAS officers (perhaps a hidden agenda all along of the Government) and several technocrats and consultants would be allowed to occupy the posts of CRB and CEO, Members of Railway Board, General Managers and DRMs. The fundamental question of having IRMS (where it all started) will be decided only after 5 years when Railwaymen are mature enough to exercise their franchise once again! Vision Document 2024 Atmanirbhar Bhartiya Rail would perhaps see the light of the day on that fateful day. (CURTAINS