Trump's First Day in Office

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI: Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others. Trump: The Democrats created them. CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby. Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them. CIA: We can't do that. Trump: So what? CIA: India will cut Balochistan out of Pak. Trump: I don't care. CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir. Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban. CIA: Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes. Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis. Pentagon: Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can't have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own it. Trump: Then, let us invade Iran. Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir. Trump: Why not? CIA: We are talking to them, sir. Trump: What? Why? CIA: We want our stealth drone back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check. Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again. CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq. Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq? CIA: We need the Shi'ite gov't of Iraq to keep ISIS in check. Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US. FBI: We can't do that. Trump: Why not? FBI: Then our own population will become fearless. Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border. Border patrol: You can't do that, sir. Trump: Why not? Border patrol: If they're gone, who will build the wall? Trump: I am banning H1Bs. USCIS: You cannot do that. Trump: Why? Chief of staff: If you do so we'll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which is in India. Trump: What  the hell should I do??? CIA: Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!!! God bless America! Click here to Reply, Reply to all, or Forward 9.97 GB (66%) of 15 GB used Manage Terms - Privacy Last account activity: 14 hours ago Details

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Railway Official's Response to the outburst of Hon'l CJI- Forwarded by Vasudeva Rao

>> 

>> Your Honour!

>> 

>> Indian Railways are struggling with nearly 30% vacancies in the cadre of track maintainers. We are also short of 20% Loco Drivers over the sanctioned strength. Indeed, we are short of manpower by the given yardsticks in almost all areas. But, we run ALL the trains with 90+% punctuality, we carry all the goods cheaper than any other mode and our safety is improving every day. We add new trains every year, run specials during festivals and holidays without additional resources. Our online ticketing is rated to be the best in the world. Our stations and trains are cleaner than ever, quality of food is improving and so is the passenger satisfaction across the country. True, we lack resources for expanding our network, but we do our assigned job well and without complaining.

>> 

>> We don't keep a pendency in running of trains. We do not have a hundred or a thousand trains waiting to run tomorrow or next week just because we have vacancies in our ranks. Yet, we find that the media, political parties and public at large are ready to accept backlog of cases in our courts on account of vacancies! 

>> 

>> Yesterday you cried, Melord! You lamented the vacancies in superior courts and stated that vacancies were the reason for pendencies. In my heart, though I don't think believe that you subscribe to that view. Vacancies can never be zero. I read in the newspapers, after the NJAC judgement, that the real problem of the judiciary is vacancies – 30% of late. But the pendency is older than this recent spurt in vacancies, which has worsened due to the NJAC issue. I have learnt that twenty-four High Courts together sit on a pile of some forty-five lakh pending cases. Appeals in criminal cases against conviction are waiting to be heard for as long as thirty years, more than the maximum sentence in the cases. I am certain all this cannot be explained away by vacancies alone. In any case it was the collegium, which ought to have filled those vacancies.

>> 

>> The only way to overcome this problem is that those, who are in the saddle, work a little harder to compensate for the vacancies. All of us do that in government, public sector or private enterprises. We work longer hours till late evening, on weekends, forego personal leave and certainly do not go on summer vacations. Even Secretaries to the Government of India are now required to punch-in their attendance sharp at nine AM every day. Surely, working longer hours is not anathema to you, My Lordship!

>> 

>> I often get judgements and awards from courts for compliance within two months, one month, or even a fortnight. I have no option but to burn the midnight oil and fulfil the orders in the judgement. How I wish I could one day beseech or request, though certainly not order Your Lordships, to deliver a judgement in two weeks since an important developmental project is held up, a contract is getting annulled or an international agreement is at stake! But, that would be a contempt of court, I guess. Surely, the judiciary is entitled to its independence and autonomy, surely it can rightfully claim non-interference and neutrality, but it ought to know that like other organs of state, the legislature and the executive, the judiciary too is paid out of taxes and that it is ultimately answerable to the paymaster, the common citizen of the country. The common person is increasingly getting restless. She wants good governance, she wants delivery of goods and services and above all she wants a just society. And, she wants them quick. Judiciary is answerable to her for its own share of deliveries.

>> 

>> How does the common citizen force change in governance? He votes. He votes a party out and brings in a new government. He gets the opportunity to do so every five years. Political parties, after having fooled the masses and after their repeated failures have realised that the public means business. They have yielded to a change in discourse from caste, religion and freebies to development and performance. How does a common man pull up the executive? How does he seek relief from exploitation and unfairness? He goes to a court of law. Leave aside the delays for a moment, he still hopes for justice, solace and compensation. What is important is that he has a door, which he can knock. But, were does he go, when the same door is closed to him for thirty years in his face? Whom does he implore, when the very institution he implores, has queued up lakhs of relief seekers ahead of him?

>> 

>> This frustration with the judiciary has led to abject hopelessness in the masses and ridicule of the process of law. Undertrials and appellants spend the best years of their lives in incarceration, people resort to coercion and murder for solving land and property disputes and an occasional dejected one commits suicide. 

>> 

>> Any organisation works with hierarchies, which are arranged in the fashion of a pyramid. The senior levels have fewer positions than the lower ones. Indeed, the entire supervision and management structure follows this dictum. Yet we have a State in the country, which has an inverted pyramid in the judiciary. There are one hundred sixty High Court Judges and just seventy-five district Judges! Yet, this High Court has the highest number of cases pending within its portals.

>> 

>> All organs of the State have undergone reforms and infusion of technology. Most departments of the government and companies in the private sector have become leaner as a result. The judiciary too has had its share of modernisation and IT embrace. But, the courts work at the same pace, actually slower than ever. One of the High Courts of the country has, on the 17th October last year, invited bids for supply of iPhone6S for use by the Hon’ble Judges. This model of phone was launched in September, i.e. just a month ago. We do not mind Our Lordships owning the latest gadget in the world costing sixty thousand Rupees each, not even if the poor people of India pay for it. But, we want a return on that investment. Please give us that.

>> 

>> We have all heard Justice Ruma Pal, who candidly showed the mirror to the judiciary by enumerating its seven sins – turning a blind eye to a colleague’s indiscretion, hypocrisy, secrecy in appointment of judges, plagiarism and prolixity, verbose judgements, personal arrogance, professional arrogance and nepotism.* We have all heard you, Your Lordship! You want total independence and autonomy. We agree with that too. You also said that you will improve the system from within. We know from experience that insulated systems are the most difficult to change and often a change promised from within is more of a chimera than an action plan. Yet we trust you for this time once again. But, remember, the outcome of the reforms will be judged by the people of India and not by the government or the legislature. Next time, the call for change may not take the legislative route.

>> 

>> So, here is my twopenny advice. All of these are within your purview. Maybe, if you followed some of these, you could smile the day you lay down your office.

>> 

>> 1. Tell your colleagues and subordinate judges to come to office at 9:00AM and not leave before 6:00PM.

>> 

>> 2. Fix a yardstick for judges and courts by which their performance will be measured - limit number of hearings, limit the total span of time over which a case is heard and limit the number of pages a judge will write in his award.

>> 

>> 3. Spend quality time in courts hearing arguments and delivering justice and stop playing the adjournment game, better known as tareekh-par-tareekh.

>> 

>> 4. You and your fellow judges in superior courts are also supervisors to lower judiciary. Do that job well. Pull up the lazy ones and compel them to deliver.

>> 

>> 5. Force some discipline on lawyers to come in time and come prepared on the first appearance itself.

>> 

>> 6. Learn some English and unlearn all that

POWER OF HEALING –THROUGH THE MIND

Winter was quite chilly in Delhi and to keep himself warm, a middle aged man obese man had a swig of Old Monk rum. He felt warmer and chewed a piece of chicken with great relish. But soon, he started perspiring and feeling nauseous. His facial muscles twitched and he felt a real thud in his chest region.

The anxious home maker rushed to the neighbours seeking help. The anxious neighbours called for an ambulance and rang up the doctor. It was a state of emergency.  Visiting the neighbours was an Art of Living Teacher, who immediately rushed to the aid of the patient.

He advised the patient to adopt a posture called the ‘Sanjivini’ Mudra and take deep breaths. Sanjivini Mudra , entails fixing the index finger on the base of the thumb and middle and ring finger touch the thumb , while the little finger is spread apart. And while adopting the’ Mudra’ the individual needs to take deep ‘Ujjayi’ ( victory) breaths.  While inhaling Ujjayi breaths an individual feels the stimulation in the throat region. This duration of the breath increases and becomes finer too.

The patient afflicted with the heart attack surrendered  to his saviour and continued with this breathing technique, till he was hospitalised.

The ECG did not reveal any great damage to the heart and the medical team  grudgingly accepted  the intrinsic and therapeutic values of ‘Sanjivini Mudra’.

Along with the breath, the mind was relaxed during those tense moments as the patient was wheeled into the ICU.

On recovery from myocardia infraction the middle aged person undertook courses of the Art of Living and learned the unique breathing technique of Sudarshan Kriya, which detoxified his system and craving for drinking and helped him to stage both physical and mental recovery.

‘Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes a matter of great opportunity ‘said Hippocrates.

This window of opportunity is provided by the human mind. If we feel that we are sick and chronically ill, then healing process gets thwarted and impaired.

Mind plays a pivotal role in healing process of an individual.  When we get up every morning, we should take a few deep breaths and feel grateful, blessed and abundant to whatever has been provided by the nature , our Universe. This augurs well for the body and the mind.

It would be a worthwhile exercise to scan the body and check our levels of freshness, are we suffering from any stiffness or soreness, headache etc to maximise the vitality of system.

Mind remains  an enigma , with reservoir of potential which we fail to tap. If exploited to optimum level , it can help in destroying  cariogenic cells , eliminating toxins, combating infections, fighting foreign bodies and enhancing self –repair mechanism.  The placebo effect of human mind plays a major role in recovery of a patient.

Mind has also been called an amygdala which may harbour negative thoughts, wrong beliefs such as financial woes, relationship problems, work stress, general pessimism and feelings of threat. These attributes act as a roadblock from attaining good health.

Stress at work place often results in various illnesses. A woman suffered from what is called Paroxysmal Atrial Tachycardia ( PAT). In such a condition, the heart beats with great rapidity and the patient suffers from excessive sweating and perforce needs to be hospitalised till the condition normalises.  The lady surrendered to the will of Lord , while reciting a deep and sincere prayer. ‘Ask and it shall be given you; and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you.’- MATT7:7

Later in life, when her son turned an alcoholic, she once again developed  a similar heart condition. She had to steel herself and become mentally adept and strong to undertake courses in Vipassana , Art of Living Courses , Siddha and Pranic healing. These courses had an immense therapeutic impact on the mind and body which enabled her to recover both physically and mentally. An Art of Living teacher taught her Mudra Pranayamas , which have helped to fortify her system.

Breath and mind have deep relationship. By just observing the breath, toxins are purged from the system and there is great mental clarity to view life in its totality.

Meditation and breathing techniques like Nadi Shodhan Pranayama ( alternate nostril breathing), Sudarshan Kriya ,  Mudra Pranayama act as shields to ward off illnesses. These processes clear the mind of several cobwebs is an individual thought process is positive.

A power of discrimination dawns on the individual and he/she can focus on what the body really needs, the quantum of exercise to performed, exact intake of food which is required, the amount of medication required, whether the job or living conditions are irksome and if any changes are required to be made and take necessary steps in that direction.

There is a chilling story of an alcoholic , who met with nine near fatal accidents. He lost his memory for a period of time. He attributes his recovery to the Alcoholic Anonymous.

In order to quit Bacchus he used to go on the 41 day Ayyapa pilgrimage which of course was a temporary measure as on completion of the pilgrimage he hit the bottle.

The mind was fixated with the bottle and he could not conquer those baser instincts. As the noted singer Bob Marley sang.’ Herb is the healing of the nation; alcohol is the destruction.’

Finally, the battle against the bottle was won in the mind after a spiritual awakening that there is a superior power which governs our lives. Surrender to the superior power and accepting the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous enabled the individual to regain sobriety.

An architect imagines a building and conceives a blue print and designs a beautiful home. Similarly a dancer or a painter through their mental imagery visualise a piece of art which appeals to the eye of the cynosure. Soulful singers conjure melody and symphony which strike right notes and chords in our hearts and we are transported to an ethereal world. All this creation is the magic of the mind.

Similarly the middle aged man( who suffered the heart attack), the woman a long time sufferer of PAT and the alcoholic surrendered  their physical and mental  unwelcome situations to a superior power and adopted various techniques and strategies of self-healing.

But the success of the therapies lies in the orientation of the mind. The mind has to be necessarily a YES MIND believing that success is guaranteed and their lives would be transformed with the power of mind injecting positive affirmations such as ‘ I am transformed’, ‘ I am healed’ and ‘ I am feeling wonderful’. This auto suggestion mechanism of human mind begets positivity all around.

Election pranks in Muvattupuzha- By Thomas Matthew

Those were the days when elections were totally different in style and substance in our
>> country especially in small towns like ours.
>> In the Sixties and before there were mainly two parties-the Congress and the Communists and in
>> certain areas communist supported independent candidate too did well with the support of
>> prominent and influential citizens.They were quite rich and popular among the common masses.
>> But one thing which was a common feature among the candidates and their supporters was the
>> interesting comaraderie and personal friendship which should be a model for the candidates and
>> supporters in Kerala and all over the country.
>> My father though an active Congress leader, never contested the elections. But he was always
>> the King Maker who forgot to wear a crown though it was offered on a platter many times by the
>> prominent leaders of Kerala.He was a dedicated Congress man and follwer of Jawaharlal Nehru and
>> would support any one who was a Congress candidate.But in the elections he was always between
>> the devil and the deep sea whenever the Congress candidate was not a worthy man.
>> I very vividly remember the fight between one of his dear friends ,the late Manjunatha Prabhu
>> who contested with the support of the leftists from our constituency.There would be meetings in
>> and around our town and he always used to criticise the Congress and the leadership of my
>> father and his influence especially among the Christians in the town.
>> After the eventful and emoptional meetings and fiery speeches people will go home to take rest
>> . But the candidate who was a leftist leader would straightaway come to our house to have a
>> hearty chat with my father who was his fierce political rival.They would enjoy themselves for a
>> long time supported by some "refreshments" the main dish of which was the "parippu vada" (dal
>> vada)which was brought by the rival candidate Manjunatha Prabhu.
>> The symbol of the communists was a cock and there was a huge grafiti on the road right in front
>> of our house.I had different plans of destroying the stuff especially it was in front of our
>> house.At last I hit upon a very curious idea.It was impossible to wipe away the solid
>> grafiti.So I stole some chalk pieces from my class room and in the night after midnight slowly
>> made an artistic approach to the writing on the concrete road.I drew a hand holding a big and
>> sharp dagger attempting to cut the throat of the cock!It was appreciated by all the like-minded
>> friends .But when my father saw the "cruel deed", he was very angry and reprimanded me that I
>> should have known that the opposition candidate was Prabhu ,his bosom friend!That day I learnt
>> the great lesson of treating even your enemies with respect and dignity.A great lesson indeed!
>> The result came and my father's Congress candidate won hands down.The opposition
>> candidate Mr Manjunatha Prabhu rushed to our house to congratulate my father who was the brain
>> behind the victory of the Congress candidate.But my father with tears in his eyes embraced him
>> and wished him luck in the next elections.
>> Such was the attitude of the politicians in the past.On the contrary, these days we read about
>> political murders each day which makes our political scenario really look violent.And our
>> children get all the wrong ideas about political work and call poltics the last resort of
>> scoundrels.
>> I honestly feel that our political leaders should exercise more restraint,dignity
>> and political morality during the election campaigns.This would,for sure, lend a halo of
>> respectability to politics at large. Is any one listening?

HAPPINESS IS TO LIVE IN THE NOW

The country was Japan. It was the Meiji era. A professor was keen to learn Zen . He approached a master. The master offered him a cup of tea and poured it in a cup. The tea was filled up to the brim. However , the Zen master kept pouring in tea. And soon it was overflowing. The professor requested the Master not to pour any more tea in the cup . The master replied , that the professor would be able to learn Zen only if he cast away all the  self opinionated beliefs , thoughts and emotions like the overflowing  cup of tea.

Past baggage and impressions need to be dissolved  and  a seeker needs to be  truly become hollow and empty in order to acquire knowledge , or else  we remain shipwrecked our entire lives  and remain  stranded at a particular spot. Or else there  is no progression in life.

To be truly happy and joyous the human mind needs to live in the present and not vacillate or oscillate between the past and future. Past is full of regrets and unfulfilled desires and the future is gripped by anxieties and fears. True enlightenment is to remain only on the present moment.

Happiness is a good habit. It increases our self confidence and aura.  William James an American psychologist  once said,' that the greatest discovery  was the power of the subconscious mind touched by faith.' Faith is the intellectual powerhouse which provides us with the supreme confidence to be in the present and become successful without being attached to the success.

'Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely , whatsoever things are of good report ; if there be any virtue , and if there be any praise , think on these things' . PHIL 4:8

By continuously dwelling on fear , worry , anger, hate and failure, makes an individual depressed and unhappy. Life is the projection of our thoughts. We are subsumed by negative emotions and thought processes.Febrile thoughts like- The world has conspired against me, I do not get the right breaks , I  do not succeed , Everything goes wrong in my life  normally cannonade our minds. Such negativity drains us both physically and emotionally. Negativity begets negativity.

Human mind has also a  bad habit of postponing happiness. Often we hear statements like-' If I was made head of the organisation, If I featured on page 3 of the magazine, If  I was married to  a beautiful princess.'  Then I would live like a king. We end up day dreaming and living in an illusory world. Humans just need to live in the now. We all have cleanly forgotten the power of NOW.

Apart from living in the present moment, humans need to make positive affirmations - ' I choose happiness today, I choose love today, I choose right action today'.

By being regretful we do not count our blessings. We need to feel blessed, grateful , humble and blessed constantly. These imprints and footnotes should be etched deeply in the amphitheater of our mind. The kingdom of happiness and true joy is in our thought processes, feelings and emotions.  We need to handle it with skill and dexterity and not be judgmental.

Fate and Karma

TO BE TRULY CENTERED

Once upon a time lived a woman. She was struck with  an unexpected tragedy as her husband  passed away untimely. The lady was  now left with  only  one son and precious jewelry .  As  she  was hounded by creditors to repay the debts accrued by her husband she conjured a trick to hide the wealth.

In sheer desperation    to keep the creditors at  bay the lady hid the wealth in a piece of cloth and hid it under a tree.  The mother and son lived in an impoverished state. Besides  her  mind  was always  disturbed  about the fact that she  did not share this piece of  vital  information with her only son. She carried this secret to the grave.

Consequently the son inherited  plenty of debt, a barren hut and a cot. The son had to work hard for sustenance and to repay the ever increasing debt. He toiled hard to survive and regretted his misfortune.

' Property is not the sacred right. When a rich man becomes poor it is a misfortune , it is not a moral evil. When a poor man becomes a destitute , it is a moral evil, teeming with consequences  and is injurious to society and morality ' opined Lord Acton. Indeed  the  impoverishment of the poor is heart wrenching.

One day while cutting the branches of a tree , he stumbled upon the jewelry.  Dumbfounded and stupefied the strapping youngster hid the bijouterie in a pit he dug in the hut petrified that the creditors would appropriate the wealth.  He too committed the cardinal mistake of not sharing the secret with his wife and carried it to his grave.

The mother and son were not mindful and wakeful enough to be in the present moment and remained prisoners of their past and future.

Two Buddhist monks were  once discussing a flag flapping in the wind. While one felt it was the wind moving, the other conjectured it was the flag fluttering. The imbroglio could not be resolved and they sought  the intervention of  a Zen Master. The master impassively said' It is the MIND that moves' neither the flag nor the wind.

Humans need freedom from their past and future in order to be in the present. And being in the NOW  or present is true enlightenment and mindfulness.

The past is full of sorrows and regrets while future brims with anxieties and worries and humans  are caged in that mind set thereby postponing their  happiness quotient.

To appreciate true happiness and joy , human mind should not vacillate between the past and future , but remain in the PRESENT.

A young monk was  once travelling in pursuit of happiness and truth. During his travel , he encountered  a massive river , which he could not cross. Shortly he saw a senior monk on the other side of the river. To  whom he hailed and sought  assistance to cross the river to reach the other side. The senior monk pondered and replied ,' you are already on the other side'.

This fact can be appreciated only when the mind is centered.  Breathing techniques like Sudarshan Kriya, Pranayama , Yoga , Meditation and Vipassana all help in dissolving the mind so that it becomes centered.

' True happiness is not possible without freedom. We have to learn the habit of being free. We do not allow our past , the future , our projects , or our fear to get hold of us. We are free.Every step is free. Every step is nourishment. Every step is healing. Every step is joy.' says Thich Nhat Hanh

SUI GENERIS ; A SHORT STORY BASED ON THE LINES PROVIDED BY DURJOY DATTA

“Rhea Bolt!” exclaimed the ecstatic crowd. I burnt the tracks with breath taking pace, bagging the coveted yellow metal. Blame it on the twin hearts, I mused. The coach was nonplussed. In the boxing ring, I mowed down opponents effortlessly, moving like a butterfly and stinging like a bee. I could hear chants of “Rhea Clay, Rhea Clay”, reverberating in the cauldron. It was an honor to be awarded by Mary Kom.

As my friends struggled to grapple with math, I could recollect numbers and complex quadratic equations quite effortlessly and in a facile manner. The examiner was dumb struck and wondered at the speed with which I decoded the math paper and breezed out of the examination hall. I was declared ‘SOTY’ (Student of The Year). My contemporaries were covetous of the achievements, but I remained unaffected.

I walked away with the trophies awarded, be it academics, sports or extra-curricular activities. They were awarded by Dr. Pronoy Roy of NDTV. I could also spot Barkha Dutt sitting in the VIP enclosure, whom I was desirous of emulating, given my proclivity for words and the gift of the gab I was blessed with.

My younger brother Ronny and I had been provided with a liberal education and our characters were built on strong Christian traditions and faith. Ronny was bitten by the movie world, idolizing Satyajit Ray and Naseeruddin Shah while I was smitten by Barkha Dutt and aspired to be a television anchor.

It was heartening that our parents did apply any roadblocks or impediments as we pursued our passions. To this end, I joined a mass communication institute, where I ran into my friend (turned foe, frenemy) Rahim and a demure looking lass, Ragini. The sultry bong, was well sculpted and proportioned at the right places. We exchanged a warm hug, and I was moonstruck with her hot energy. She was both stunning and fetching; I gushed.

Rahim (who had always had a deep crush on me and I found him attractive too), used to live in our colony and manufactured occasions to run errands for the family, much to the disapprobation of my parents.

Though they were catholic in nature and broad minded in approach, they were iffy about someone from outside our community and religion being overtly friendly with their daughter. It may appear clichéd; but that was a fact which was dinned into me. He was treated like a pariah by the elders, especially my grandparents.

However, Rahim by sheer quirk of fate managed to endear himself to my family. One day   grandparents and father were cruising along the Western Ghats and met with a serious accident. My father was the sole survivor and had to be administered blood type O. Rahim, ‘the Merciful’ was the universal donor, and it was his blood that resuscitated my dad. The family, traumatized by the unforeseen events and tragedy, were full of gratitude for Rahim. At the graveyard of my grandparents, my eyes welled with tears and reciprocated the overtures made by Rahim. It was a poignant moment. Slowly our friendship blossomed into love.

We dated, went out to the malls, movies, exchanged notes and flowers and texted messages from the supercilious to sublime. He prayed five times a day, while I prayed before falling to sleep or during Sunday mass. I was not the typical religious or spiritual kind of a person.

Rahim and I disagreed on a variety of issues; read soft porn and intellectual stuff like Huntington’s ‘Clash of Civilizations’ with avid interest. He opposed the hegemony of the western world and the US, the bombing of Iraq and problems confronting Syria and Pakistan .We also squabbled over the immigrant and the ‘Muslim’ issues, as advocated by Donald Trump. However the heated and academic discussions did not alter the discourse or trajectory of our relationship.

 We both avidly followed the US elections. The feminine heart in my body was rooting for Hilary, but the masculine heart was sanguine that it would be the ‘Trumpet’ blowing, come November 2016.

 Biologically, physically and psychologically being endowed with two hearts in one body was quirky enough, and I reckon there was a development of bisexual tendencies in my personality. This was raucous to my faith.

 I realized my testosterone and libido levels were abnormally high. Occasionally, I would brush my hands not quite innocently on our maid’s bottom, and then filled with pangs of guilt, cross my heart and admit to the purported sin committed. But the not so innocent domestic help found these encounters juicy. I would see her blushing and moaning, anticipating more.

But this purported bi-sexuality did not affect my love for Rahim which magnified over a period of time and I was planning to inform my parents about eventually marrying Rahim.

At this juncture he dropped a nasty bombshell. Apparently, he was soon to be engaged to a ‘cousin’. I felt the guy did not have the balls to walk out earlier and had the gall to inform me about these developments. Feeling distraught and tormented, I was staring at a gaping hole in my universe. The squelch used my body and soul and discarded me like a used condom. I became a misanthrope.

 At the communications college, I was primus inter pares. One could attribute it to my vivacious nature, athleticism, my mane, gravitas and of course my felicity with numbers and figures. My power point presentations were splendid. And I was convinced that others in the class were creating pedestrian output.

 There appeared to be no logic or pattern to Rahim’s engagement and disengagement; to me he was shambolic and unsteady. And I needed time before getting involved in any form of entanglement. His misdemeanors were tolerated only for saving my father’s life. Relationship was a strict no.

 At college I began chaperoning the demure and reticent Ragini and found myself getting attracted to the sultry Bengali beauty both physically and emotionally. One night while skimming through something salacious I conjured a steamy scene with her and in a frenzied state imagined a threesome, ending up furiously masturbating.

That night after all the moaning and feverishness had ebbed, I texted ‘miss u’ and ‘gn’ to Ragini. The following morning, the shy girl kissed my forehead and held my hands. I was taken aback. Did she harbor and attach lesbian feelings towards me, I paused and pondered? I did not consider myself to be a charlatan, but  perhaps an intellectual bohemian.

Ronny was donnish, and learnt his craft at NSD and FTII. A role was offered to him, for which he had to drop his pants. Feeling nauseated, he joined a ‘Chandini Bar’ strumming his guitar to earn a livelihood and ogled at the voluptuous females gyrating to salivating men.

As part of our practical training, we had to undertake project work. Ragini, Rahim (to my chagrin and discomfiture) and I were assigned to take up a topical issue confronting women and the feminist movement in India.  

Rahim suggested that we produce a documentary on Nirbhaya. I found this to be jejunic and common place. We mulled the subject over a drink and pot when I screamed “Let’s do a trilogy as to whether menstruating women should enter places of worship”. Ragini endorsed my idea. We planned to cover Ayyapa and Shani temples and the Hazrat Ali Dargah. Menstruating women seek relief from their male Gods, was the title of the film.

  Rahim, much to my relief sought exemption from our group and preferred to do a documentary on issues confronting students at higher learning educational institutions. I suggested a title - Counting Condoms- and chuckled.

I was covertly happy that Ragini agreed to the proposal and Rahim was no longer in the picture frame. We braced the priestly classes and made a captivating short film which captured the angst of women being deprived of worshipping male Gods in this age and time.  

The final product won critical appreciation from the internal and the external faculty. We bagged the coveted prize and celebrated over drinks and pot and ended up in bed. Ragini was the new flame in my life. “You are quiet a catch”, I whispered and she gushed.

The success of the trilogy preceded us and we were picked up by a prestigious news channel, known for their cerebral productions rather than rambunctious and boisterous   ventures.

The producers were dazzled with my boldness and beauty. Soon I was covering the Parliament and interviewing top political and spiritual leaders. The channel was bewildered with my high energy levels as they were not privy to my unique body condition.

At this point in time, the contours and ramifications of the contentious Article 377 were being argued in the highest court of the land. The channel deputed Ragini and me to interview Sri Sri. To our amazement, he came out unequivocally in support of the LGBT community. Years back, I had fled from an Art of Living programme. Upon interviewing Gurudev (as his followers address him), I was engulfed with feeling of completion of the course.

The interview brought us accolades and complements across channels. Our TRP increased significantly. My former boyfriend was working with a rival noisy channel. Rahim’s pet project on Nirbhaya – Braveheart, turned out to be tepid. I was filled with retribution at my success and his failure.

‘Conversations with Rhea and Ragini’ gave our channel the required TRPs and intellectual appreciation. Our programmes on the impending American elections and the  ISIS crisis were highly rated and cherished. But the high point were conversations with a trustee of Ayyapa Temple and a Veda quoting Yogi on Article 377, feminism and homosexuality. This was high octane stuff and the magical Ragini moment in my life.  The twin hearts celebrated my bisexuality.

 The sun in my life was suddenly eclipsed and tragedy struck me and the channel, when Ragini passed out one day. She was hospitalized and a battery of tests was conducted. She had suffered a cardiac arrest. This demure girl never disclosed that she suffered from Atrial Septum Defect (a hole in the septum between the heart’s two upper chambers) and also from Ventricular Septum Defect (a hole in the septum of the two lower chambers).  This was a congenital defect and her condition turned grave.

Ragini was hospitalized where I was born. The authorities of the channel were apprised of my twin heart condition by the obstetrician and cardiologist. The owners of the channel planned to celebrate the moment by airing a programme called ‘Conversations with the twin hearts’. One incapacitated with a troubled heart condition and another who could zoom across the universe like a super woman. This was to be the real TRP triumph for the channel.

The programme pummeled all TRP ratings and the channel was deluged with innumerable callers. Infirm patients demanded my organ.

'Are you sure, Rhea?' asks my mother.

'Of course I'm. Survival of the fittest, mother. I'm not going against Darwin. Also I don't want unnecessary scars on my body.'

It's a known fact that we are all born to die. And frankly, I don't understand why it has to be made into such a big deal. If it were not for my mother I would have said that to the bunch of people outside my house, some of them with young kids, shouting slogans, waving placards, literally wanting me to cut one of my beating hearts out. "Save A Life. Donate!" they shout.

For someone who is one in billions, 7.125 billion to be exact, I expect to be treated better. Scientists are still befuddled regarding my condition that gave me two hearts in my mother's womb. But years of research and sticking needles into me have led them nowhere, and they have labelled me as a freak mutation. It's so rare - literally one in all humankind - that they didn't even name the anomaly (as they call it, I will call it awesomeness). I wanted to name the condition myself, something on the lines of Rhea's Heartsawesome but the doctors aren't thrilled with the suggestion. Instead they want to cut one of them out and save a life. Huh?

An IQ of 180, increased concentration, exceptional athleticism and a phenomenal metabolism rate - are just the few boring benefits of an increased blood circulation. Why would I ever give that up?

After a passage of considerable time, I found myself in the confession box and shared my story with the priest of our parish. He was taken aback at my sexual preferences and an earlier dalliance with a non-Catholic. However to absolve me, he invoked the holy trinity and asked me to sacrifice the heart. My Darwin’s arguments seemed to be falling on deaf ears. To me ex post facto the Priest was lived in the dark ages and he seemed to have never experienced renaissance and reformation. 

My mother’s harangue about resuscitating my hospitalized colleague did not cut any ice. Dad recalled his tryst with destiny and how the O blood group saved his life. Rahim surfaced and tried to rationalize as to how important it was to save an individual’s life.  The channel owners too pitched in, in the name of corporate social responsibility that I ought to sacrifice my heart.

Ragini’s mother implored and beseeched me to part with the organ. After considerable mulling, I agreed on a quid pro quo that Ragini would marry me after recouping and recovering from the surgery. THEY WERE AGHAST BUT AGREED TO MY STIPULATION AND SO DID RAGINI.

The surgery was successful. I parted with my heart and Ragini regained her mojo and rejoined work. TRP ratings of the channel reached the stratosphere and our   noisy competitors grudgingly acknowledged my hecatomb and contribution in a boisterous programme. Strangely my sacrifices were overshadowed by sexual preferences.

Ragini’s and her mother (Rehana) refused to keep their word and Rahim was quietly married to Ragini. This was a twist in our tale.

That night, I was shifted back to the very hospital where I was born, following consumption of a heavy dose of sleeping pills, alcohol and marijuana. I left a suicide note –‘Sir Darwin, the world is the survival of the filthiest.

A HUNDRED DOLLAR STORY

An Indian tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco.

Looking around at the exotic curios, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat.
It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it.
He takes it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for The Story," says the owner.
The tourist gives the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat,you can keep the story."
As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats crawl out of the alleys and sewers and begin following him down the street.
This is disconcerting; he begins walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him grows to hundreds, and they begin squealing.
He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and are still squealing and coming towards him faster and faster.
Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay and throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he can.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it, and are all drowned.
The man walks back to the curio shop.
"Ah ha," says the owner, "You have come back for the story....

"No," says the man...

"I came back to see if you have a statue of an Indian politician in bronze!!"..

PHYSICAL AND MENTAL REHABILITATION OF AN ALCOHOLIC

This is a riposte to the show regarding banning of alcohol in some states of the country. We The People   a popular programme of NDTV  anchored by Barkha Dutt deliberated the issue on the 17th of April 2016 .   Without getting in to the merits of the issue a  simple question arises in my mind - can we ban thoughts?  The mind is cannonaded by approximately 50 to 60,000 thoughts in a day. And an alcoholic's mind is extraordinarily  sharp despite suffering from this medical malady. An alcoholic will employ all possible  means at his disposal to acquire the  prized possession. Like fish is to water an alcoholic is to liquor.The cause of alcoholism is the negative and destructive pattern of thinking and a deranged thought process.

  The problem can be addressed through getting an alcoholic   admitted  for a rehabilitation programme,  joining the  Alcoholics Anonymous, a self-help group, undertaking the Happiness Programme of The Art of Living( where the unique breathing technique of Sudarshan Kriya is imparted)  or undergoing the Vipassana breathing technique. These techniques can be of  help only when the alcoholic acknowledges the problem ,  and does not live in the world of self-denial besides  submits to a power which is much  superior to him or her. 

Through the  grave indulgence of Bacchus and reckless drinking , alcoholics wreck immense damage to all the organs of human body. This is no rocket science and is known to the afflicted.   To begin with  stomach, pancreas, liver, esophagus, the small and large intestine get  adversely  damaged.Once the gut is effected it has  a debilitating impact on the circulatory and nervous systems. Alcoholics develop heart ailments, problems pertaining to blood pressure, diabetes  and arthritis among others.  One organ after the other starts collapsing  and eventually an alcoholic becomes a vegetable. The alcoholic finally lands up in the ICU or is in the grave. The cause of alcoholism is the negative and destructive pattern of thinking. And  in the amphitheater of mind nothing can be banned.

This is an  advisory  for all alcoholics and recovering alcoholics( those who have turned sober through  the gift of the Divine) regarding their eating and drinking patterns.  Those who get admitted to a rehab or an Ayurvedic clinic fortuitously  be served a regulated diet for proper resuscitation.

But there are a large  unfortunate numbers who are  caught in the vortex of drinking or continue to  suffer from relapses.  They should begin  the day with several glasses of  warm lime water  laced with honey and not with a cup of coffee / tea. It goes without saying ,  SAY   a firm NO to drink. Lime water with honey  assists in  detoxifying the system  with its  inherent alkaline properties.

Eating of fresh fruits for breakfast and not leftovers of the night helps in digestion. It is guaranteed that most alcoholics suffer from an irritable bowel syndrome and associated disorders.   The fruit should be partaken as an entire meal and should not merely  be a supplement.   Tamasik and Rajasic intake of food invariably trigger the desire to  consume alcohol.  However consumption of Sattvik  food will certainly enable to rectify the imbalances present in the body.

There is tr

e  levels need to be enhanced through proper intake of nutritious food. The propensity of an alcoholic falling prey to opportunistic ailments is extortionate.  This medical problem can be addressed only by a qualified medical practitioner.

And what about the mental problem?

Louise L Hay , in ' You Can Heal Your Life' has identified the probable cause of alcoholism as  negative thought processes such as - ' What's the use ?' Feeling of futility ,guilt, inadequacy and Self Rejection.

And according to her the renewed thought pattern should be - I live in mow. Each moment is new. I  choose to see my self-worth.I  love and approve of myself.

emendous weakening of the immune system of the body of an alcoholic as precious minerals and vitamins  get drained out.  The resistanc

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE

      🔺Birth is your
          Opening Stock.

🔺What comes to you
                   is
                Credit.

🔺What goes from you
                   is
               Debit.

       🔺Death is your
         Closing Stock.

🔺Your ideas are your
               Assets.

🔺Your views are your
              Liabilities.

🔺Your happiness is
                your
               Profit.

🔺Your sorrow is your
                Loss.

   🔺Your soul is your
               Goodwill.

  🔺Your heart is your
                fixed
               Assets.

🔺Your duties are your
          outstanding
           Expenses.

🔺Your friendship is
               your
             hidden
        Adjustment.

🔺Your character is
            your
          Capital.

🔺Your knowledge is
             your
        Investment.

🔺Your patience is your
         Bank Balance.

🔺Your thinking is your
         current Account.

🔺Your behaviour is
              your
        journal Entry.

🔺Bad things is your
          Depreciation.

🍀Have a perfect  Balance Sheet🍀

      Always Remember
              GOD
             is your
            Auditor