Sunday, 3 August 2025
The fourth test between India and England put to pride by ChatGPT in the style of PG Wodehouse -
The fourth test between India and England put to pride by ChatGPT in the style of PG Wodehouse -
*The Curious Case of Ben Stokes and the Unshakeable Indians**
(A narrative in which Old Trafford resembles the Drones Club on a Saturday afternoon)
The thing about India and Test cricket is that they have a tendency, much like an absent‑minded uncle who suddenly remembers he has a moustache, to surprise you at the most inconvenient moments. Old Trafford, Manchester, was no exception.
England, bless their cotton socks, strutted out with the air of a chap who has just hoisted an absurdly large salmon onto the bank. Six hundred and sixty‑nine runs, Stokesy and chums informing anyone within a mile radius that India had about as much chance as a blancmange in a fencing match. A mere formality, said the pundits, dusting their jackets and adjusting their monocles.
India, however, had clearly not read the script. Two wickets down for the price of a half‑eaten sandwich, yes, but then appeared Gill and Rahul, all poise and sang‑froid, as if they were sauntering into the Long Room to borrow the sugar tongs. Gill, who seems incapable of batting badly this series, whistled up another century, while Rahul produced ninety of the classiest runs ever seen outside a Savile Row fitting room.
The plot thickened when Jadeja and Washington Sundar walked in. One expects chaps in such situations to look like condemned prisoners approaching the scaffold. Instead, they exuded the calm confidence of men about to order pudding. And order it they did—hundreds for both, the English fielders looking like people who had just been told the pub was closed early.
Enter Ben Stokes, England’s captain, eyes aglow with what one assumes he thought was statesmanship, offering the Indian duo a handshake to call it quits. Rather like a chap in a losing poker hand suggesting everyone simply “call it even.” Jadeja, twirling his imaginary moustache, politely declined, while Sundar—busy crafting his maiden Test ton—merely smiled the beatific smile of one who has seen the menu and intends to have dessert.
And thus, India batted on, unmoved, unbowed, and possibly wondering if they might fit in a quick game of carrom between overs. England huffed, puffed, and went home with a draw which, from their perspective, felt suspiciously like a loss.
Moral of the story: If you plan to extend the olive branch, best not to do it when the other chap is still chopping wood.
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